FROM NOTORIOUS PLAYGIRL TO... IN A RELATIONSHIP!?

THOUGHTS ON ROMANTIC TENDENCIES...
The day is finally near, and so ends my stage of denial. There is a personal story I want to share with my Samhain Moon readers concerning the past. Although I dwell in the present, — and sometimes in the future — there are elements of my past that have spilled onto the present. Those influences are helping to shape my future, whether short term or long term. I have always believed in flourishing while basking in romance, especially when you find the right one. It's good for you! When you are in love, your goals are more probable because you are more motivated. There is so much intensity in sharing the highlights of your life with somebody else, working as a team, and building the foundation for a bright future. To me, that notion used to feel as if it was out of my reach. I wanted a prosperous relationship but I didn't realize that my romantic interests didn't. They had other aspirations, and their goals didn't include me.



Before I engaged in my current relationship, the dynamics of my romances were very different. In my days as a bachelorette I was fearless as well as risky, but above all things I was untameable. Don't ask me how, but ever since the breakup from my first ever boyfriend in the 10th grade, I successfully — and also unsuccessfully — dated multiple partners at a time. I was a little broken from losing my longest lasting relationship of one year and two months to my best friend. After this I had trouble committing to just one partner, and it isn't hard to imagine why. I wouldn't say that they weren't enough, I'll just leave it at the fact that I didn't receive nurturing from any of them. I enjoyed meeting and dating people too much to settle down, and many of my partners felt the same way. I think that the tendency started as I realized that the people I was dating were also dating other people at the same time. In hindsight, I think that I probably did the right thing. Years of teenage and early adulthood aren't suited to be settling down. With the continuous crushes and nightmarish obsessions I experienced, I scared one too many great visionaries from my life. With the tendency of getting entangled — and having horrid fall outs — witch people that I still really admire and miss dearly. [I hope that one day you'll forgive me!]

Regardless of all the damage, these almost lovers and failed romances all influenced me in one way or another. Even if I had the habit of dating a number of them at once wouldn't really have bothered them, I am also glad the majority of them didn't find out! Those were necessary stages for me to get over the trauma I suffered at the age of 15 — a trauma that wouldn't allow me to live a healthy romantic life up until now. Regardless of the context, I shared many wonderful moments with certain individuals, and I respect them. Good times... I can't say I didn't explore possibilities while I was having fun! A great thing from my experiences in that I managed to identify patterns of my behavior as well as compatible aspects v.s. things I wasn't so comfortable with. I tried obsessive relationships, open relationships, and a whole lot of gray areas before I got to where I am now.

Shortly before my final year of college, I met a mysterious artist online. We kept in touch increasingly through October 2009, sharing creative aspirations as well as social occurrences. When I got back from college in the summer of 2010, we started dating casually, and in November 27, 2011, he asked me to be his Bone Queen! The magnetism that drew us together prevented me from fully pursuing additional affairs, and what a relief it has been! It hasn't stopped difficult situations from trying to wreck our foundation for a future, but we have managed to protect each other thus far. It's nice to have someone looking after you the same way you look after them.  We came to the realization it's not just him. It's not just me, either. It's us. We're a team now, just like my little lovebirds, Sun and Moon!

One night as we both lay entangled in bed, I told him that I felt I had been fixed from my romantic debaucheries. He asked me if my latest romantic partner had done so, but after disclosing intimate adventures to him, I told him he was the one that fixed me. It was a strange realization to have and even stranger to confide, but it was well received. To all the naysayers: J and I are very happy, and we won't be torn apart by anything... or anyone. Not any time soon, at least!

We celebrate our first anniversary with nothing but love and dreams between us. I love you, Bone King.
♡♡

9 comments:

  1. Facebook highlights:
    "It just got real up in here!" — JWilliams

    "Man, I read every corny detail of this entire post until arriving at "bone queen", after which I promptly broke into mass laughter for ALL the wrong reasons. :P

    This is what I like to see. It's good to see two people entirely committed to each other not because of some supposed "need" be it social or otherwise, but because there's a real connection behind it. Here's to hoping it lasts a long while." — A Flores

    Thanks guys!
    ♡♡

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  2. Reading your blog It bringing tears to my eyes, the man i love so desparately is still in the position you were in hurt so young, could never get over it. He hurt me so many times but I allowed him in so much, till finally of this year I fell desparately in love with him and I really believed he loved me!!!!!!!!!!!!! His Mam passing away brough him to another place in his life and I was pushed out so quick that I fell out with him and turned him to another woman I pray for a reconciliation and Im hoping that im still the woman on his mind because I did break his heart when I was 23 I took a beautiful thing away from him she is now 7 and I called her Angel. We had that together and I feel strongly he never got over it. He is built with guilt, I love him soooo much Samhain and I prayed for a reconciliation for December !!!!!!!!!!! He is my soul, my heart, and he is my hero and thankfully you met your soulmate I have met mine I just hope he knows Im his !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You keep saying he is my King of Hearts I hold your faith and keep it with me always and please god after next year I will win him back !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love and Light xx my sweet xx

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  3. It's our most intense memories that shape us into who we are. They make us stronger and they help us endure all of those hardships.

    I admire how committed to him you are. The passion burns, but careful for it not to fizzle out! Give yourself some leeway to breathe!

    ♡♡

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  4. Facebook highlights:
    "I can't imagine what your love life had to have been like, but at another angle I somewhat can. I always thought that all Girls become obsessive during some period of their life, times when it came to being or wanting a relationship. It never ...works that way and I am glad you realized it and are putting it aside. If only most women actually knew that it's their possessive actions that push the good guys away. I don't mean to sound "Machista" because I do know that there are definitely a lot of men who are just assholes. But what about those other guys? Why do they have to pay for someone else's mistake? And sometimes you females " pardon again for sounding machista, it's just that I know a lot of woman who do that", they become too impatient to allow Romeo to approach them as a true gentleman and treat them as a woman with respect, and simply maintain things at a steady pace. People I know are always moaning about how they will never find someone, and the woman that does have that person sometimes doesn't realize it, and instead of building the relationship she pushes it away with foul actions, unnecessary comments and the lack to see the possibilities of what she truly has could no longer be there. Like I said earlier I am glad you realized that because now you have an amazing guy with you there no matter what. As he also has a wonderful woman aside him. Most people don't believe in true romance or fairy tales, and it might sound childish but it does exist. People are far too impatient to allow their other half approach them in the correct manner and for those reasons they don't see it and it's quite sad actually. As for Rocky and all the other individuals let time pass by someday they will end up seeing you and simply laugh about the situation." — JRosario

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  5. That was really rooockin'! You do have a point, women sometimes let themselves be carried away with illusion. They don't do it to be unbearable, they do it because they FEEL their feelings with intensity. Men are more LOGIC oriented, they won't allow themselves to feel something until they have assessed the situation. It takes time to develop bonds that are as intense as this, and sometimes people are tired of waiting. I can't say that I commend their lack of patience, but I also can't blame them for turning into such fatal romantics.

    It's the way the world works, and until these people learn what you just said, they're going to keep on stumbling and wondering. No one wrote the guide book guaranteed for romance, all we have is leads on what to do when we approach each other. As is there wasn't already enough pressure!

    Thanks for the contribution.
    Love and Light
    ♡♡

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  6. Awwwww..... I'm so happy for you!

    Also, that photo of you is one of ultimate favs.

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  7. : ] Thanks Elli! Glad to see you around these parts!

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  8. This made me blush and giggle so badly!
    As I read, I could wholeheartedly relate in all aspects of this, not to mention it did feel like I was reading a very condensed chapter from one of those overly cheesy romance novel due to the 'bed entanglement' part, haha...
    Still, not many people admit their teenage adventures, and your honesty was just amazing. Congratulations,
    and please stay forever happy. <3
    Love love love ~

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  9. Did it?

    It's nice that you could relate. Sometimes we just need to go through the bad and the ugly to appreciate the things we have. You know better than anyone how tough it was back then, when J and I were separated. Somehow we made it through all that... and look at us now!

    I can't help the cheesy parts, that's my quirky character coming right out.

    Additionally, I can't wait to see what you will come up with for your own blog. I want an invite!

    Thanks Nati,

    xoxo

    Love and Light

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