The silence cuts and sentiments seep. With the loss of my cousin has come the reassurance that the fair pay for the sinners. I need to mention that while the Death card came up in the 'what to avoid' card of the week, it isn't always something that we have control over. My history with this card has been quite a ride lately. I haven't been into making it seem that the Death card can literally stand for loss, but I did get some intense news as I looked into projections for how the trip to Los Angeles would go. What I found was a little fear-instilling so I put it on the back burner. The trip itself was wonderful, but the news that I got of the passing of my cousin were disheartening, more so when I had signs in the cards of what was going on, in a trail of other hints leading up to this point. Nobody is prepared for a rattling change like that, no matter how serious the illness may be. I wish him eternal rest and the ability to let go so that he may go wherever it is that he is destined to go next. He was the sweetest, quietest guy you could meet. He never started trouble or went down twisting roads. It's a big eye-opener, that's for sure.

Last week was a lot of things. It was fun and daring, packed in with some scares, some high highs and some low lows. I had the opportunity to try out things that I haven't done in a while, such as karaoke, industrial clubbing, walking through Venice, scouting out Ikea and even made plans for a potential radical change in 2013. The waiting period is over, things are finally snapping into place and the gears have begun spinning. The change has started, so it's time to start flowing along with it in hope that there is a lesson in all of this that will be learned in the end.

This week is loaded with Major Arcana cards. This time around I won't read too much into it, I am just going to close my eyes, make the jump and hope that I will go where I need to. There is barely any spare time penciled in this week and I need to make the most of it. It's do or die, and I'm not about to let my dreams escape my grasp when they are so, so close and yet feel out of my reach. It's time to turn up the volume on my iTunes playlist and to zero in on one very important goal set for the week. Wish me luck, here goes nothing.


♡ Monday. Strength. What will it be today? Finding strength in restraint, or facing the fire with courage and the assurance that things will work out? It looks more like the harmony of understanding who you are, what your needs are and up to where you can go. Sometimes it feels that we're pushing against the current, pushing, pushing, pushing, and it gets to a point when we realize that all we do is to let go. The current will take us where we want to go, even if it isn't where we thought that we would want to be. Sometimes you just need to trust the stronghold slowing you down.

♡ Tuesday. Ten of Coins. If a card ever said back in a box, it has to be this one. I find it to be a truly lavish card, one of luxury and of comfort. They are all working away at something that will benefit the house, so what can we do today that will help us push ahead? For me, it will be an extensive case study, making up for lost time of work, and enjoying being back in my little golden cage. It's quite lovely to see the little birds perched on the fence expectantly.

♡ Wednesday. The Star. Can divine light really shine on us when we most need it? All it takes is a prayer, a question, a sentence uttered to your higher power. This goes in line with what I said earlier about trusting. When you're comfortable in your skin and with what you are, you feel lighter. It changes the element of fire back into water as shown in the card of 'what to strive for'. I think that it's a matter of learning how to channel inspiration into a challenge to find that your dreams and your possible plans could be coming true. I have nothing but faith in that, so fingers crossed.

♡ Thursday. Hierophant. Talk about tough combo, the Hierophant followed by the High Priestess. This is trial by fire in a way, I feel like epiphanies and other eye-opening experiences are earned by divine right and not stolen. The Hierophant is a cold fellow, he isn't one to base his actions off his mundane emotions. He has to act in accord to his connection to divinity, his responsibility to do the right thing as it would stand by tradition. Sometimes we just can't go around tradition. The only way out is through.

♡ Friday. High Priestess. A very different sort of experience from the one of the day before. This is a mental quietness, an understanding of what is happening the way that it is, and why it needs to be that way. I see this card as careful observation and understanding, as well as complete dominion over intuition and secret knowledge. What I do like is the looming feeling of peace mixed with control over the environment.

♡ Saturday. Nine of Swords. This can be a card of worry, of anxiety and of nightmares. It is the only noticeably negative card in the spread and I feel that it points out trouble in sleeping. I have been an insomniac ever since I can remember. While I was quite susceptible to the cycles of the moon, I also had an increased productivity during my earlier and college years. I grew comfortable in working at night. Looking at that black dog as an omen or a pointer for the card, it could just be that I'm quite loaded with thoughts. It could mean that instead of blowing all of the pending tasks at hand out of proportion, to quiet the mind and plan instead for what I can do about those tasks. There is no use worrying if all we're going to do is sit and think.

♡ Sunday. Page of Cups. I love this card. A child looks into a cup out of which a fish comes out of. In the background, a lulled sea stretches far out into the horizon, carrying a ship as well as some loitering birds. With the scroll in his hand I feel it is a heartfelt offer, a message of apology or even an invitation to join the ship on its next adventure. I am looking forward to see what it will be.

♡ What to avoid. Nine of Cups. How does this card feel? Well, it is a card of wishes coming true, of knowing what you want is right within your grasp. There is a plate out of which a little bird can peck, but it's also there to provide for the dog. It's a nonsensical observation, but I get from it that there is enough for everyone to peck off. Perhaps celebration is not in order at the moment or our wishes don't come true, but at least we do the best we can to work up to that point. I guess it's an eye-opener in the sense that we don't always get what we wish for, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't try.

♡ What to strive for. Temperance. This is a hard thing to do considering the circumstances, but it does make sense. When we fall out of balance because of tough news or realizations, we need to take control of our lives again. We need to balance ourselves out, find our center and focus on breathing first. If we're not in equanimity, we're not going to be able to go about our important affairs. If there is something I have learned, — whether I like it or not, — it's that Temperance can only be achieved through the balance of self-restraint and mental peace. We're not here to always make a point, and we won't always be the ones in charge of where our affairs take us. Sometimes we just have to go with the flow.

I feel liberated from my chains now. It wasn't an easy struggle just because it was so unexpected... but then was it really with so many signs in place? Sometimes I think that as much as we have a feeling of what could and could not happen, we are not 100% in control. It's just the way life is, we go through several experiences and obstacles only to feel rewarded if we overcome them. That would mean we can then move to the next level. I'm ready for the next level.

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