Have you missed me? My life has been incredibly eventful as of late. In my absence, I received a visit from my Mother and I went to fabulous parties. My life took itself apart, rearranged itself and then came back together. Two weeks ago I went to a Crosses concert.The culminating event was a Youth Code / Aesthetic Perfection / Suicide Commando / Combichrist concert. Wow! What a night. Details soon.
Life has been wonderful. There have been so many surprises and memorable instances… I could go into detail, but honestly the details are personal. I don’t want to saturate readers with details from my personal life that I feel they may not resonate or identify with.
Back to the cards. This week has a strong sense of grounding and recollecting. It feels as if anything that has dispersed is gathered little by little until things make sense. Life has ups and downs, and they are illustrated carefully week after week on Hello Witches. It is because of that, that I keep writing this column or entry. I enjoy seeing how life fluctuates in events and instances, and more so enjoy tracing connections between those events. They can be fascinating at most, and thought provoking in the least.
♡ Monday. Five of Coins. The feeling of loss is prevalent at a time when you’re counting what you’ve still got. Sometimes you feel as if something in the world isn’t right; life somehow turns its back on you and you find yourself curiously oscillating between what is there and what is no longer. I see this as such a concern with mundane affairs that logic may be concealed or difficult to connect with. Most importantly, it could mean a serious disconnect with your higher self when you are more worried about matters of the flesh.
♡ Tuesday. Six of Swords. Moving on from situations that cause is discomfort is not easy. It really takes letting go in order to move on and find yourself. Sometimes distancing yourself is healthy so that you can figure out your terms. However, it feels alienating at first. It’s hard to go it alone when you need support, but sometimes it is necessary.
♡ Wednesday. Knight of Coins. This is a good omen after the start of the week. In the context of the surrounding cards, this card talks about settling down. You collect your bearings and give yourself time to assess what you have in order to figure out what it is that you can do next. Excellent! This is good.
♡ Thursday. The World. Surprised to see how quickly things resolve. This card is about opportunities opening up, as well as finding yourself freed from any past that may have weighed you down. It’s a great moment to be thankful for making it, as well as looking forward to what comes next. New things are made manifest.
♡ Friday. The Hanged Man. Sleeps slow, and actually very limited. Nothing is going on here that can seem productive or of use. Ride it out, embrace a new perspective and save your energy for when you can actually use it. It isn’t worth wasting energy over confusion, or things you’re not even sure are there.
♡ Saturday. Nine of Wands. This seems so tiresome to me. Getting to the point of exhaustion means that burnout is soon to follow. When you spend too much time keeping up the walls of an invisible fortress, it turns to a task of strain. Let the walls down or see your task to the end.
♡ Sunday. Ace of Wands. Energy! Fire! Passion! Whoa. This seems pretty intense. A burst of passion can cover anger or desire, it could also just mean creativity or admiration. Depending on where your clues come from, you can determine how your reaction could be. I think for sure it will be spontaneous in manifesting.
♡ What to avoid. King of Swords. Avoid walls, poor communication and vague sentences. If you want clarity, push for it with all honesty. It is important to consider others boundaries as well as your own. You can say anything that you need to say as long as you mind the way you say it.
♡ What to strive for. Two of Wands. Neither one extreme or the other. When you’re about to go off the deep end, hang on instead. This will pertain to mood swings or switching sides and impressions more often than you should.
Two of Wands. Neither one extreme or the other. When you’re about to go off the deep end, hang on instead. This will pertain to mood swings or switching sides and impressions more often than you should.
This year seems to be going rough for everyone that I know. I feel as if we can’t blame Mercury Rx or Mars Rx — although, for us Libras, this Mars Rx in Libra is being a real bother… — because there is a percentage of these faults that are our own. Bodies give out, circumstances don’t cooperate, and people fall out of love with one another. It happens. It’s really not worth preoccupying everybody else with the suspicion that something is up, because there are people who are going through real problems and real worries. Somewhere out there, there is a lost airplane from Malaysia with people that really need to get back to their lives, jobs and families. Chile and California are shaking continuously, and animals are fleeing Yellowstone Park as a warning that the volcano might be going off. Those are the real problems we should be worried about. I digress...
Lately I have been evading bullets with people close to me. I am not a yes person by any means, and find myself growing nervous when my plans don’t turn out as planned. I am so careful with my plans that I give myself enough leeway for spontaneity. Let’s face it, life happens all the time. Giving yourself enough wiggle room at least gives you a chance to react when your plans aren’t going as planned. However, there is a chance that no matter how well you plan ahead of time, things don’t work out the way that you planned. I promised C that I’d look after her cat. She is dating J, my room mate, and is the sweetest. We have been hanging out lately and enjoying one another’s company. J is never home, doesn’t lift a finger to clean and will not be moved to look after the cat after a long day at work. That’s the truth. N tells me that she is going out of town and is looking for someone to take care of her dog, so I volunteer. N is my best friend from college and a person that I would do anything for. I check to make sure schedules don’t conflict before making the commitment. N will be gone from Friday to Wednesday, and C from Friday to Monday. This means I can do it! And I even have an extra day for cleaning. Perfect…
Not perfect. When I get to N’s house, she springs a surprise trip back home on me. Meaning she won’t be back until Monday. I went to bed and thought about it, then consulted C about my situation and made the terms very clear. Wednesday night rolls around and I have no confirmation from N or C, I feel pressure of letting them down, and I tell myself I can’t leave this dog by himself if someone isn’t coming to pick him up.
In light of these events, I turned off the working station and went to take a shower. During the shower, this blog post started writing itself in my mind and I decided to put away my thoughts and to enjoy the shower instead. When I was done, I crawled into bed and turned on my Macbook Pro. The mental meltdown happened at 10P.M., and it is 11P.M. by the time I have gone through the whole issue. Writing this entry has given me the chance to step back and take it all in at once.
Before long, I am going to turn the computer off and bury myself under the sheets. I will seek solace in my pillow and hope that by tomorrow, the way forward will be clear. I will pull some tarot cards and make note of what I get, then we will go back and assess it before this post goes live. To be honest, I am debating whether or not to post it. I don’t like to make my personal business public, especially with so many friends involved. The fact that their identities are concealed reassures me, although anyone who knows me well enough will probably know who I am talking about. Hell, if the friends mentioned read my blog, they will easily be able to identify their roles in the story.
My dreams have been telling me things lately, or rather, warning me of very important events. I am starting to gain perspective on a dream I woke up really dazed from this [Wednesday] morning. In the dream, I found myself walking outside my neighborhood in Puerto Rico. It was storming heavily, with pelting rain and high winds. It was night time and dark out, none of the lamp posts were lit. Every now and then lightning would strike, and the scene would be horrifying. The plants were pale and stretched out menacingly. They looked like tentacles, and swayed in the wind as if they had a mind of their own. Instead of soil, there were bugs by the hundreds. Roaches, worms, beetles, large ants. My eyes widened every time the lightning lit up the scene, it was a real nightmare. I didn’t run away in fear, though, I stood my ground for some reason. When the scene was dark, the plants were back to normal. They were as I remembered them. Every time that lightning flashed, though, I was forced to see something really ugly.
BREAKING DOWN THE SYMBOLS:
☆ Storm: Overwhelming struggle, shock, loss or catastrophe in waking life. Unexpressed fears or emotions; anger, rage, turmoil, etc. It may also mean rising spirituality, or rapid changes. I resonate with the meaning of the symbol in the sense that I am a bit afraid to face my friends with the truth of the situation because I am trying to protect them. I also feel the circumstances are out of my control and hostile.
☆ Lightning: Sudden awareness or light being shed in the darkness. The ugly truth reveals itself. Shocking events are implied. Many forces governing your life may be beyond your control and even destructive.
☆ Lawn: To see a green lawn represents hope.You are in control and making steady and smooth progress. If the lawn is overgrown or full of weeds, then it means that you are not taking good care of yourself. Yeah, no kidding. It can’t be good care of yourself if you’re off worrying about how somebody else is feeling about something you did or did not do.
☆ Bugs: Symbolic of anxiety or fears. What is literally bugging you?
☆ Tentacles: Unknown danger lurking from the depths of your subconscious. Your subconscious is trying to pull you in so you can address the issues that you have been refusing to confront or acknowledge. Alternatively, the dream refers to a very clingy relationship.
Once more, proof of how dreams can tell us exactly what it is that we need to pay attention to, even if we don’t realize it immediately when we have that dream. I am very impressed with the foreboding quality of the warning that the dream delivers, and wish that I had listened before it got to this point.
Friends are wonderful, but we should never compromise ourselves if we can help it. No one likes to end up looking bad for not upholding a prior commitment.
Oh, and by the way, this happened last week. The matter has already been solved. Come the next day, N wrote me back saying it was okay for me to stay at her house until she got back on Monday. C left the cat with J, who took good care of it.
Sometimes, the best way to deal with something is not to overload yourself with it. We have so much going on already, it’s a shame to dampen a good day with problems.
It’s hard when you want to but can’t please everyone. The most important part is to be true to yourself.
Guess who’s back home! Truth be told, I have been feeling such powerful inclinations to write. It has been really surreal to feel that electric feeling in my fingers, but not have the resources that I needed to post.
Last week there was no Hello Witches post, but the journal entries have once more started to flow. We’re going to have a mix of lifestyle entries as well as advice columns. We all need advice sometimes.
This week looks a little topsy-turvy to me, with the presence of Majors and an Ace. It all feels a lot like the circumstances rearrange themselves only to fall into place again. It’s kind of weird, but that’s how life flows.
Last week was uneventful save for work, but I have an interesting dream premonition to share. It was quite an eye-opener and a warning.
♡ Monday. Three of Wands. It’s a day with no present action, but a day that doesn’t go without the desire for it. He seems so lonely, playing out his instrument in search of someone to play music with him. But there he stands, in a great place. He should be happy, even if he has no company to share his happiness with.
♡ Tuesday. Page of Cups. A small manifestation of feelings. Telling someone you care for them, accepting an apology, and accepting that sometimes we all get vulnerable. This is a very vulnerable card in the sense of having naive feelings to share. That can get us into trouble when we don’t guard our hearts.
♡ Wednesday. The Fool. Do you feel like a Fool? Sometimes I do, and it’s okay. Our lives are very public when we go off the invisible boundaries of the Internet. Try not to take an risks today for fear of being made out to seem a Fool. Play it safe and you won’t gain much, but fail in the process and you won’t like how it feels. Be careful.
♡ Thursday. Temperance. The awkward circumstances balance out and finally you can breathe. It’s nice to breathe, isn’t it? Sometimes we just need to pause and look into ourselves so we can figure out what is and is not working for us.
♡ Friday. Five of Wands. Conflict of interest can lead to misunderstandings and confrontations. After a week when nothing really seems stable, the best thing to do is just to let things sort themselves out in time.
♡ Saturday. Ace of Wands. Follow that flame, wherever it leads you. You’ll end up soaring towards your greatest passions. A burst of creativity can lead to a very productive wave, so whichever way it hits, ride the wave and seek to empower yourself.
♡ Sunday. Nine of Pentacles. A good feeling; or rather, a great feeling! Spring is in and the atmosphere feels completely lit up. Go out for a stroll and enjoy yourself. After such a weird week, you deserve it.
♡ What to avoid. Ten of Cups. Stop seeking your ideal romantic situation. It will come to you when the time is right; forcing it to happen will only leave you confused and in pain. You deserve better; don’t do this to yourself.
♡ What to strive for. Queen of Coins. Financial independence and maturity. For me, this card represents my Mother, which is visiting next week. I am feeling very happy to have her coming over because she always lightens up my life. I am really looking forward to spending time together and going on adventures.
Let’s get this week going, even if a little late.
On March 22nd, 2014, Batcave at the Medusa Lounge held its Villain’s Ball. I had been looking forward to it for about four weeks, or rather, since the time it was announced. You know me, you know that villainy resonates with me. There is something about being singled out and forced to live in the margins that makes me feel that I can identify myself as one of them. After all, not all villains are bad.
For the longest time I had considered going in my black leather bunny mask as my own character; you know who I am talking about. Bunny Debauch sprung to life sometime in 2010, and since then remains the guise that I don when I want the world to know that I am up to no good. I have gone as Bunny Debauch to comic conventions and club outings, but in private I have also taken on the double identity. It’s fun!
As the party crept closer, I got excited to sharpen my symbolic claws and step out for a night of dark romantic fun. A chance encounter the week before the event inspired me to watch all of the Saw movies all over again, and after careful consideration, I decided to switch the bunny mask for dramatic make-up. That’s right, I decided to go as Billy the Puppet from Saw instead. There were psychological themes to the movie that prompted deep thought in me. I am not at all attracted to gore and suffering, so please don’t think me a hypocrite in my trade! The allure comes from the passion with which John Kramer, Saw’s villain, wants people to rethink their lives. The ‘victims’ are actually real-life villains who find their way ahead by dooming others. Some of them don’t really appreciate their life until they are subjected to gruesome tests.
The pattern in the Saw movies is apparent. There are two kinds of tests; in one, patients undergo psychological torture and witness the death of others that have helped the patient climb to the top without ethics or scruples. The other test involves paying for your crimes by mutilating yourself before a timer runs out in order to survive. In the first case, when the patient gets to the end unruffled, it is up to the person that they harmed to forgive them and grant them life. The other person is being tested as well, and when vengeance trumps forgiveness, everyone dies. Very twisted morals, wouldn’t you say?
John Kramer’s traps terrify me. I find them absolutely gruesome. The idea of embodying the puppet at an event seemed exciting. The movies stopped airing a few years ago, and while it was a big deal during Halloween, it feels as if the Saw fever has died down. Bringing back a villain is always a good idea, so I started scheming how to make it work. Before bed, I would think about materials needed to craft my face into a puppet’s likeness. I wanted the end result to be a direct allusion to the puppet without sacrificing my identity. One night I even considered using latex to mold my cheek bones to protrude. It was extreme!
In truth, I waited until the night of the event to try the contacts on and do the make-up. I gave myself three hours before the event to do it, which was just barely enough. My friends arrived just as I had finished my make-up, which meant I wasn’t even wearing the outfit yet. In a race, I threw all my essentials into my coffin backpack and got dressed. I snapped a few pictures and went down the elevator, excited to get out. When the doors opened, an unsuspecting man saw me and jumped back. He shouted, “holy shit!” and as a result, I laughed pretty hard. There is a satisfactory feeling to scaring someone else for the first time. It had never happened before, and felt like something I could get used to. I loved the feeling.
We were amongst the first to arrive at the party, so we headed to the bar. I started the night off with a White Russian. Shortly thereafter, all three of us girls were on the dance floor, jamming out to And One’s Sometimes, which happened to be a personal anthem that week. The rest of the night was spent obliging to photo ops and engaging in conversation. At some point, I switched to champagne.
Something about the gothic music scene in California makes me feel like a child again. It makes sun a difference to listen to music that you enjoy and have been listening to throughout the years. Depeche Mode, And One, Blutengel, The Cure, Nine Inch Nails, IAMX… You want to dance? Go dance! Seeing people putting effort into their outfits to be as creepy as possible is a huge plus, as is dancing amongst them all on the dance floor. Nobody cares if you’re expressing yourself or sulking in a corner, watching the others dance. If you are there to have fun, it’s hard to go wrong. If you look out for yourself and you manage not to get entangled in group drama, you are likely to meet some nice people and have a very good time.
When you go out, you have a set of familiar faces that you are looking forward to see and catch up with. They tell you their stories and ask about yours, then you share a few drinks and a few laughs. You dance, you get your photo taken and you celebrate life for a little while. It is escapism at its finest, and seems to be a therapeutic experience for those of us who do not spent every waking day dressed up. I love it!
At around 12A.M., I met up with Roger. We got our photo taken and terrorized the dance floor for a while. After a while at the party I had forgotten that we were supposed to meet that night, but then there he was. If he hadn't grabbed my arm as we lurked past him, I probably wouldn't have noticed him. It was nice to see him enjoying himself at the club, he is usually the one I drag there. We even danced Pong together, one of the club hits from Puerto Rico that I have often told him about. We have grown very close throughout my time here in California. Nearing 2A.M., he brought me home because my eyes started rejecting the contacts. On the way home, I was blind as a bat and couldn’t look out at the street. It felt a lot like being a mole with sensitive eyes, so now I know what they go through. You won’t believe this, but Roger actually had to take the contacts out for me. He super saved the night, because I think I would have gone crazy taking them out by myself. For a while, it felt as if I was experiencing one of John Kramer’s traps. Oh man, I would have failed one relating to the eyes so bad! Luckily, that was not the case.
That night was my first night wearing contacts. They were actually a birthday present from Hugo, may be rest in peace. Now they are torn in one eye and I can’t wear them anymore, but I am going to keep them for sentimental purposes. Sleep was extremely hard to conciliate; I was coughing up a storm and my eyes stung. With great patience, I drifted into a happy sleep. I had so much fun that night!
I suppose this diary entry serves as a look into my favorite Los Angeles delights. Thank you if you read this! Now you can say that you know me a little better.