I’ve been taking care of my Grandfather in the afternoon, thinking back to the days of my upbringing. I have also been taking a look at my collection of journals kept over the years. When you chronicle your life and you look back, you can find understanding in your own tendency to make decisions. After the hardest of times I usually come out of it understanding myself better. I progress the most when I am honest with myself. Letting go was always the hardest thing for me, and yet in the conversations I’ve been having with myself for the past couple of months in my journal, it's a concept I am beginning to grasp with much more confidence. I never liked letting go, and now I understand why they say you need to in order to move on. You hear it and you hear it but it won’t make perfect sense until you can actually start to envision it properly. You have to see it to understand it, and that’s where I am currently at. I've felt much stronger.
Letting go isn’t easy for me still, but I definitely see changes in myself. I am going to make my friendships less of a priority, and instead I am choosing to prioritize myself and my mental health as well as my feelings. I’m just going to walk my path and focus. Onwards.
Everyone seems shaken with the events of the year. 2016 would count as Major Arcana #16: The Tower. It makes sense, though. Doesn't it? This year many people had the Earth taken out beneath their feet. I read many a status and tweet about struggles that seemed impossible to get through, followed by resolution after resolution to stay afloat. Even if we got through with a few scrapes and gashes, we're making it through. That's certainly something to be grateful for. A toast to you all!
+ Sexorcism at Club Caldera del Infierno
+ Family brunch
+ Return to LA
+ Hollywood tourism
+ Seabound concert
- Got hacked. Changed my phone number
+ Got back into the habit of reading books
+ Respect Thursdays DNB
+ Improving my friendship with Rose
+ Broke my records at work
+ Started my edibles habit to calm anxiety
+ Loreena McKennitt concert
+ Yanni concert
+ Telefon Tel Aviv concert
+ Dita Von Teese starring in Strip, Strip, Hurray!
+ Court of Angels
+ Trip to Puerto Rico
+ Two new design clients!
+ Mending broken connections with people
- My sister’s husband committed suicide (It was madness.)
+ Hosted Miriam at my apartment
+ My very first Ifa reading
Might as well erase this month from the calendar. Some days I didn't know how to cope with being myself.
+ Pokemon Go at Old San Juan
+ Met Nati & Elvin for margaritas
+ Catching Pokemon at Santa Monica Pier
+Met up with Charli, Mari and Jenn
+ Carved Souls concert
+ Bar Sinister Vampire Salon
+ Met my old college friend Fernando for ramen
+ Met Opeth band, which I love madly since high school
+ Met Rose in person
+ IAMX concert
+ Birthday at The Getty
+ Opeth concert
+++ Trip to Paris, France
+ Dinner with Alessandra
+ Pokemon Moon came out
+ Social Repose concert / met Richie Giese
+ Reading for Father Sebastiaan
+ Bar Sinister
+ Trip to Puerto Rico
+ Spent time with Grandpa
+ Margaritas with Elvin and Nati
+ Mom’s birthday
+ Caught up with La Gitana Patricia after four years
(1)DESCRIBE 2016 IN THREE WORDS:
(2) WHICH CONCERTS DID YOU VISIT IN 2016?
Loreena McKennitt, Yanni, Telefon Tel Aviv, Falling Skies x 2, Dita Von Teese, IAMX, Opeth, Social Repose. Missed Blaqk Audio and Depeche Boat despite having tickets.
(3) WHAT WERE YOUR THREE FAVORITE MOMENTS IN 2016?
(A) When Yanni played ‘One Man’s Dream’ in concert, I was so moved. I was always playing that song in repeat while I’d chat with my online friends from 1998-2004. It fueled my creativity and made my imagination run wild.
(B) When it dawned on me I had been walking around with Chris Corner’s body paint all over my face. As embarrassed as I was, it was cool to be that close to have contact.
(C) Meeting Social Repose. I gushed about it internally for days on end.
Special mention to being in Chateau de Versailles and fan-girling over the house of my favorite artistic period. I have always lamented not being an artist in the French court during the Rococó. Misplaced in time.
Another special mention goes to the Opium Den performance in Strip, Strip, Hooray! The end in which the cherry blossom flowers fell was romantic, erotic perfection.
(4) WHICH ONE WAS YOUR FAVORITE MONTH?
Tough! I think it was November. The trip to France was the highlight of my year. I had so much fun! I believe the most impressive moment of the trip was sitting before the real crown of thorns. I wish I could have basked in its presence longer. What a privilege!
Thanksgiving was warm and inviting and the food was amazing. I contributed a huge pot of Spanish rice that was gone by the end of the night. It felt like one of the more progressive months overall.
(5) WHO WERE THE MOST INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE OF 2016?
Rose. Rose is someone that I admired from afar for a few months before we actually got close. Now I confide in her regularly, and we actually got to meet around the time of my birthday. For me it was a really big deal!
Nati. She is my girl crush. It’s all over social media. Her gallery makes me swoon, she’s so lovely and creative. During this year she checked up on me regularly when I was dealing with a heavy depression. She has a really wonderful bubbly personality and the killer hair and make up to match. If I could, I’d kidnap her to come party with me in LA, but then her boyfriend would miss her too much.
Serge. Serge and I met years ago. We’re talking years! Serge and I work with dream interpretation and interstellar communication. We hope to collaborate in the future, but currently hold a very solid bond. I owe him much respect and admiration. He's a real starseed if I ever saw one, and he was the one who taught me how to stealth. He says, "travel light, fast and invisible!" Gratitude aplenty!!
Tarot-Dreams. I first met Tarot-Dreams back in 2011. We used to exchange letters. Nowadays we talk fairly regularly and confide in one another. When you most need it, some people step up to the plate and surprise you. I have felt warmth and kindness radiating from him, and admiration radiating from me. Thank you.
Veronica. This lovely lady has really come to surprise me. She texts me every now and then to open up about her life and we have been bonding. She’s intense and creative, and I love that about her. Hoping we will get to interact more closely in 2017.
(6) HAVE YOU MADE PLANS FOR TRAVELING IN 2017?
The talk right now is about making it to Spain and Morocco. If not there, then the Amalfi Coast. A more local desired destination is New Orleans. It would be nice to visit Europe again for sure. We discovered an old world there that I am yearning to be a part of. Otherwise, warming up the nest seems just as amicable. I have moved around a lot lately and I’d like to be home to enjoy the gifts LA has to offer. Y’know, just be at my newly settled home.
(7) BEST BOOK YOU READ IN 2016?
Toward the Art of Reading by Camelia Elias. I burned through it from cover to cover and was left wanting for more. This book teaches you to read tarot cards like the devil.
8) 5 MUSICIANS YOU LISTENED TO WAY TOO MUCH IN 2016:
LANA DEL REY
(9) WHAT DO YOU LOOK FORWARD TO IN 2017?
I would like to focus on and keep working on my creative expressions. More writing, drawing, blogging, and digital illustrations. It would be great to build a new body of work for the future.
I’m also looking forward to dominate my new make up brushes. I’ve been having fun with lip colors, and trying to incorporate more flushed out looks now with eye shadows. While I tend to prefer brown eye shadows, I’m also trying to pop some color on my lids. It’s still a work in progress.
Otherwise, I want a quiet year. The rest is extra.
This year I learned the importance of working with what you have. Accepting that the boundaries get closer to you means understanding also how much you need to prioritize yourself above the rest. It’s not always going to go the way that was planned, and yet it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep pushing for what you want. I like the fact I have been forced to let go cold turkey. I don’t delude myself with hopes that have no promise. Keeping a journal about it is cathartic for me, and so is talking about it. When you task yourself with putting events in place and rationalizing the reason things went how they went, you are made to accept it. There’s no way around it. You walk away from it with a clear mind. And sure, it can still overwhelm or draw out emotional reactions, but that’s how you get better. You don’t repress it, you keep going and you hope that eventually you’ll be okay. It takes time.
Thank you! Thank you for sticking around and for reading these roller coaster journal entries! Three cheers for 2017! Be safe. I hope we all meet on the other side.