CONFESS...




What a whirlwind! I disappeared for a few months to get my circumstances in order, and to heal from a very intense break up. The relationship itself was one that left a huge impacting hole in my life, and getting over the rut has been a bit of a struggle for me. There was so much collateral damage, and since then I've had some high highs and low lows. But it feels so good to have gotten out of it and to be experiencing something new.

In talking to others about their life experiences, I have found synchronicity. A lot of the people I am currently bonding with have just gotten out of a rough period in their lives. They feel more their own selves than they have in years, and I strongly resonate with this because this is exactly how I have been feeling. Coming out of a rough period and finding support is a grounding and very humbling experience. It's hard to have thorns when you are cradled by an abundance of love. And I certainly have received generous amounts of love lately!

Opening your eyes to the world and recognizing yourself to be a new person is a riveting change. It shakes up your core. If you are going through a change like this also I invite you to my comments section. Please tell me about your recent challenges, share your ups and downs with me. Believe it or not I am very interested in getting to know my readers more, and I want to be emphatic in that your stories will be heard, considered and prayed for.

Its interesting to watch this space evolve along with me. I like it! And I feel very grateful to all the support I have received, it has given me the momentum that I need to keep going. Once you get the spring back in your step and your smiles start to widen, you feel this nurturing certainty that everything will be okay. The color starts coming back into your life and you feel stronger by the hour, circumstances allowing.






















This past month has been spent having the wildest of adventures. My spirit has been renewed, and I once more feel zest for life. I am home again and this chapter of my life feels so different from the previous ones. The adventures I am having are in a class all of their own. I could not be more excited!
♡♡

THE GOOD TAROT




If I am not mistaken, this deck is actually Colette Baron-Reid's first tarot deck. Colette has made a name for herself with some truly interesting oracle decks that she has put out. I, myself have the Wisdom of the Hidden Realms Oracle as of a few years ago. And I've had my eye on the Wisdom of Avalon Oracle, which I hope will someday make its way into my collection. Someday!

Reading reviews online has been a mixed bag. A lot of people are not into this deck for the same reason I wasn't that into it. It doesn't really work as a tarot deck, but it does still have imagery that your intuition can connect with on an emotional level. I say its best not to point fingers and to instead let the cards speak for themselves. Let's face it, while some of us may not necessarily be crazy about the way that this deck reads, for somebody else it could be an ice breaker. There will likely be somebody out there who has wanted to make the jump from oracle to tarot and has struggled to make the transition. Well, I think this deck can bridge the gap for them as a transitional tool. But once there is comfort with these cards, I definitely recommend adopting a Rider-Waite Smith, Thoth or Marseille tradition deck to continue the journey down the tarot path. Oracle decks and tarot don't work the same way, no matter which reader glamours the craft well enough to make it seem like the same thing. Don't be fooled!

The illustrations of this deck are so gorgeous. Some of them look like stills from really fantastical dreams. I actually love the soft, grungy collage feeling that they have. I just had to get it in the hopes that it would be a great deck for daily card draws, to wet the imagination on days where starting seems like a tedious task. The cards are oracle size and the entire deck in a stack is pretty bulky, but I like the card stock. It will hold up to use over time, and likely destroy your hands in the process. It’s sturdy!

The card backs are gorgeous. This deck looks a lot like a fairy tale storybook from olden times, worn and tattered after years of keeping people entertained. Stories take us to places of fantasy and moral teachings. In a lot of ways this deck is a storybook that changes its order again and again to regale you with endless stories. Oh, the intrigue! Your life unfolds before your eyes in sweet, tender storytelling. I actually find that rather endearing.

I really wanted to love this deck more. It’s hard to when the imagery is so beautiful but you can’t really find the substance that you need in it. I couldn’t talk to a client about why their relationship didn’t work out when I don’t even see any indicatives of hard times in the cards. It’s all set in this detached dream realm where everything and everyone is picture perfect.




This is definitely an art deck. I recommend to use it as an oracle. It’s really hard for me to see these cards as a tarot deck. They are stripped of any hermeticism, and read mostly as emotional oracle cards. It’s really hard to fit them into a system that makes sense when they replace very important symbols with watered down and non-threatening images. Not only are these images non-threatening, though, they're also very detached from us. I can't quite put my finger on it, I just know it's not working for me yet.

There is nothing really deep about this deck. It takes away all the pain and the hardships from the tarot and instead fills in that void with sugarcoated fluff. I think the deck is very beautiful but at least for me it is unusable for work. I need to be able to tell people why their relationships aren't working out, why their business is unable to sustain itself, why they're not going to get that house they have been so ardently working to get... if that's the case. While readers deal out glowing news, often times readers also face the responsibility of telling a client why their dream is about to flop. Readers also need to be able to offer options or next steps, and I'm just not seeing that flow with these cards.

Due to the inconvenient card size and the style of the cards, I don’t see myself using this deck as a workhorse copy. I do, however, see myself pulling this out if ever I find myself writing fantasy or if I need to read for somebody who is afraid of the tarot. Some of us need the darkness present in everyday life to be able to read, simply because life itself is a balance of darkness and light. When you understand that and live under that principle, you can't embrace one extreme over the other and still be able to give grounded advice.




What is your most important characteristic?
Sun. Radiating warmth and joy unto all. An uncharacteristic sense of wellbeing is projected out to bring even more positivity to the lives of those seeking advice. A light that when cast so vigorously over events will take out shadow aspects out of sight.

The light of self-empowerment burns gold and blinding.

What are your strengths as a tarot deck?
Knight of Wands. The crown of candles drew my eyes in right away. It is a deck meant to prompt personal realizations, to strengthen our own confidence. I see the glow in the face of the Knight as one that comes from looking directly at the Sun, even though in this spread she has her back to the Sun. Instead she looks to the limitations being worked on. This Knight does not appreciate limitations or responsibilities if they slow her goal from springing into being.

What are your limits?
Eight of Coins. Some of the possibilities growing in your life stretch past your limits, and are therefore outside your control. What will help you understand your possibilities is to also understand just how much is in your control. Once you are in the know, you can proceed to do what is needed to get the desired results. Working around your limits is definitely an act of patience.



What are you here to teach me?
Ace of Cups. I am here to teach you to be okay with your vulnerability, to learn to express your feelings in awkward times and to remind you that the way that you feel is absolutely valid. Fantasy themes don’t necessarily eliminate the possibility of what you feel being very real, and being able to draw connections between the fantastic and the real elements just the same.

How can I best learn to collaborate with you?
Nine of Swords. Accept the circumstances. Don’t get overwhelmed by the sources of stress. Instead, seek to free yourself from them. Allow the glow coming from within to be your guiding light in the darkness. Travel swiftly, light, fast, and invisible. Ask for help from your guides knowing that you intuition will take you where you need to go.

What is the potential outcome of our working relationship?
Six of Wands. The feeling of overcoming all obstacles to move forward in the world brings satisfaction. There are times of celebration ahead for having braved the rough and not given up. There are special medals for all those of those overcoming their obstacles and besting themselves. It all starts with you.



Which card do you want to show off?
The World. Proper calibration of energies can help you feel like everything is falling into place. Everything as it connects to the woven fabric of life, as it stretches out into bodies of much larger scale. It's all connected somehow.

See, here’s my problem with this deck. A literal illustration of The World, The Moon and The Sun all in one card. The concept of The World is stripped of all its symbols, the victory wreath, the naked woman. All we are left with is the planet.

How do you see me?
The Star. Vulnerable, out in the open. Transparent. People see through you the same way you see through them. Learning to express and accept emotions. Tears aplenty. With opening up and being vulnerable comes sharing the darker parts of yourself that others won't understand or will somehow judge.

How do you see yourself?
Page of Cups. A young or youthful spirit that is sensitive and intuitive. A reflection of your younger self, perhaps before you went through the transformation you are just now recovering from. There is emotional respite here if you seek it with an open mind an heart.



All in all, not a contender for my go-to selections. While this deck is certainly beautiful to look at, I was disappointed by the childproof bumpers put on the edges of the card. Life isn’t just rainbows and purple flowers.

Maybe next time, Colette Baron-Reid.
♡♡

MUSEUM OF DEATH




I spend a lot of time contemplating death. Most of my romantic partners would agree they’ve had this conversation with me many times. Don't get me wrong, I don’t fancy murdering somebody, or even hurting people in the least. Death is a natural concept and it's an inescapable one for the entirety of us. It can be synonymous with the unknown or the biggest mystery, but eventually we all come to experience and understand it. However, I do think about what happens to us after our hearts stop beating and consciousness fades from the brain after the fabled fireworks. I see it as a scary transition. A couple of years ago I was mentoring under The Roaring Dark, who is a very knowledgeable death worker. The course has since gone cold, but it's still something I keep present in my day to day. I know that time doesn't stop for anybody and that I need to make the most of my life. I can’t explain where my obsession with death comes from, but I can tell you right now I have spent exponentially more time contemplating it than the average person does. I know this to be true.

There’s a place in Los Angeles that I can’t quite get out of my head. I had read about it in articles a couple of years ago and knew it was worthy of exploration.

This site was previously a recording studio, where Pink Floyd and other artists produced their music.

As soon as I stepped into the exhibit, I was overwhelmed. Across the room was John Wayne Gacy’s original artwork. To my right, his shoes and handcuffs. Handcuffs he used on kids. To my left, photos of Richard Ramirez, his smut magazines and a shirt he wore while in prison.  Your head gets filled with noise. I had a hard time concentrating, there was something pulling at me from every direction. Following instinct, I veered to the left to begin the experience. Letters kept in binders, photographs and original drawings. Richard Ramirez is the serial killer I have researched the most, so I looked into his corner of the exhibit first. There is a questionnaire he fills out that is very funny, it shows his humor in writing. I had the impression of having seen mix tapes, but my memory is blurring. Their wide and crazy eyes stare right back at you unabashedly through their photographs, so it’s hard to focus with so much being thrown at you. I definitely consider this experience to be an overwhelming one.

Next there was plenty of material from John Wayne Gacy, The Killer Clown. This guy is my nightmares embodied, I haven’t been very fond of clowns since I learned of his existence. Niki said his shoes stank. I saw the madness in the strokes of his art. I stood there staring Pogo who stared back with an air of kindness the art bestowed upon him. I’m not sure how I feel about serial killers depicting themselves in a light of kindness, but then I also know it’s a matter of perspective. I can’t speak for their own perspectives on their psychological makeup.



Moving along, my eyes fell on an electric chair and the decapitated head of Bluebeard Henri Landau, the lonely hearts killer of Paris. After this, what comes is a bombardment of slaughter, sex, torture, suicide, funerary processes, shrunken heads, mass suicide, war photos, public decapitations, crime scenes, suicide machines, taxidermy, creepy famous pets, children's coffins (gag! I could not approach this part of the museum at all! No sir!), The Many Traces of Death movie, the list of horrors goes on. There was even a sprinkle of spirituality in a Mexican Day of the Dead altar space. The exhibits were crammed one over the other, collaged together and filling the walls up almost entirely. It's all so overwhelming that at times you will experience nausea depending on how compassionate or numb you are.

I can compare this equation to stepping into the room of a recluse who takes delight in researching the macabre, collaging their entire room in the contents until there is no more space for a pin or sticker. This place is jam packed with morbid imagery and trophy photos documenting serious crimes. They have real belongings of the murderers, and even actual beds and personal items from the Heaven’s Gate cult of San Diego. That exhibit kept me frozen in place for a couple of minutes.

The museum staff came up to ask me if I was okay a couple of times. I didn’t say much, but I did my best to smile at them. Apparently people pass out in the museum, and their fall is called a falling down ovation in jest. I'm not kidding!

You all know me to be an empath. I think what I was met with initially were leftover feelings of shock by unsuspecting people that come into the museum unaware of what lies in it. And it only got heavier the deeper I went. I think that I gave out when I reached the room of Charles Manson and the Black Dahlia murder. I was so saturated with the previous rooms what my body could not process the gore of the crime scene photos. Afterwards all I could do was look at and take in the morbid images. I made a mental note to return another day, but I definitely wouldn’t do it if I didn’t have my partner in crime with me. She has the same sense of curiosity as I do while not being thrown into the creepy macabre fan girl group. Gross.

Scouting through the museum must have taken us a little over an hour. We didn’t zoom through the contents and tried to hover long enough to gain an understanding before continuing. There were about three exhibits I couldn’t stand to be around very long, mostly because I’m not a sadist. I can't stomach cruelty towards kids in any form. They're pure souls.

After the experience I was definitely stunned. The museum staff attentively asked us what we thought about the museum and we lingered for a few minutes more to chat.



It felt like I had so much white noise in my head that it cancelled the free flow of thoughts. We contemplated what we had just seen over burgers at Shake Shack and talked about our normal lives as if unphased by the museum.

In the days following the museum visit I have felt heavier and heavier. There is so much gore now permanently lodged in my mind that I don’t know how I feel about it. Alas, it can’t be helped. But I had a very interesting experience with that place, and if you ever find yourself in LA I recommend that you try it if you are in the proper company.

Lastly, please don't take your children. This is no place for them, even though the concept of death is inevitable. Spare them the trauma.
♡♡

SOLAR MAGICK OF ANTIQUITY




Today we have a very special guest entry authored by Vayu Tiger, also known as Robert Powell.

Magick is an art that has transformed the lives of people from the common man to the most educated. Wonders of this craft produce results based on the effort you place into it (on a practical level and metaphysical level.) Culturally in terms of speaking, each system varies from nation to nation. There were two particular forms of magick around the Aegean and Mediterranean Sea introduced based on the sun 2,000 years ago. Each of these systems has a practical esoteric application and esoteric literal view. Once you learn this ancient duality of Helios these concepts could completely make your magical and mundane life a far deeper experience. However I will be focusing solely on solar magick in this blog post.

The Sun on a practical level was seen to the laymen as the benevolent self-sufficient father that gave life to man. He was the procreative masculine force that was born, died, and reborn. But keep in mind this the most basic of his meaning of Sol. Humans at that period were extremely lucky to live past the age of forty. Essentially, humans saw this cyclic process as reflective upon their own lives. Another practical meaning of the sun was the ability to calculate times and formulate a calendar. It is easy to forget that ancient peoples of two millennia ago and beyond used astrology more for calendar uses than horoscopes, unlike today, where astrology is more personalized for individual psychology. So the Sun was a clock. When we read The Greek Magical Papyri in Translation with Demotic Spells, a book written in Hellenized Egypt, we find the sun had 12 hours during the day and 12 hours during the night, rather than ceremonial magick planetary hours. The sun was the primary focus. The solar timing could determine when the Nile River was going to flood seasonally and acted as a clock based on angle in the sky. Following the patterns of our solar star was seen as the giver of light, as man only had oil lamps to see during the night. Thus, that light was worshiped and was a metaphor for enlightenment or knowledge. This is why philosophers like Pythagoras, Socrates and Iamblichus avidly gave praise to Apollo.

Esoterically and magically, the sun was the benevolent father who defined the journey of the hero. Samson, the man whose strength came from his hair, translates to the “Sun Man” as Manly Palmer Hall states in his astrotheology lecture given in philosophy. Pythagoras was associated to the sun god, Apollo, in Croton according to Iamblichus. Pytha literally translates to Apollo. Therefore many people believed Pythagoras’ wisdom in mathematics, politics, science, music therapy, creating a just legal system, and egalitarian way of life was linked to him being an incarnation of Apollo. It was from Pythagoras that the seed of western civilization had begun to influence latter philosophers such as Plato. The sun was seen as the source of knowledge in the esoteric sense with the application of self-knowledge and scientific knowledge. It was because hidden secrets were being revealed, it was shedding light on darkness. This later played a role in Christianity as the Christ figure with the credit going to Platonism. Most generally, the sun represented the intellect of man.

Practically and esoterically we find the sun’s role in magick when we observe PGM III. 494-611 in this 2,000 year old text called “To Establish a Relationship with Helios”. It is obvious this was written for a mystery school initiation of sorts:

A procedure for every rite, for all things, for whatever you want, invoke this way:
"Come, come to me from the four winds of the world, air-traversing, great god. Hear me in every ritual which I perform, and grant all the petitions of my prayer completely, because I know your signs, symbols and forms, who you are each hour and what your name is.

In the first hour you have the form and character of a young monkey; the tree you produce is the silver fir; the stone the aphanos; the bird... your name is PHROUER.

In the second hour you have the form of a unicorn; the tree you produce is the Persea; the stone, the pottery stone; the bird, halouchakon; on land, the ichneumon; your name is BAZETOPHOTH.

In the third hour, you have the form of a cat; the tree you produce is the fig tree; the stone, samouchos; the bird the parrot; on land, the frog; your name is AKRAMMACHAMAREI.

In the fourth hour you have the form of a bull; the tree you produce...the stone, the amethyst; the bird, the turtledove, on land, the bull; your name is DAMNAMENEUS.

In the fifth hour you have the form of a lion; the tree you produce is the prickly shrub; the stone, the magnet; the bird...on land, the crocodile; your name is PHOKENGEPSEUARETATHOUMISONKTAIKT.

In the sixth hour you have the form of a donkey; the tree you produce is the thorn tree; the stone, lapis lazuli; in the sea, the jellyfish; on land, the white-faced cow; your name is EIAU AKRI LYX...

In the sevent hour you have the form of a crayfish; the tree you produce... you produce...; the stone, sun opal; the bird...on land, the cat; your name is...

In the eighth hour you have the form...the tree you produce...the stone... the bird..; on land, the hippopotamus; your name is...

In the ninth hour you have the form of an ibis; the tree you produce... the stone...; on land, the chameleon; your name...

In the tenth you have the form...; the tree you produce...the stone; one the color of a falcon's neck; the bird...

In the twelfth hour you have the form..your name is ADONAI...

... GABRIEL ALLOEA... OUREEDYDIE THARABRACHIRIGX IARBATHACHRAMNEPHIBAOCHNYMEO KAMPYKRIL... ELAMMARE


I have spoken your signs and symbols. Therefore, lord, do the NN deed by necessity, lest I shake heaven. Do the NN deed for me; you are the image, the whole of the universe, you who, after being selected, guarded the holy place of the great great king. Do the NN deed for me, the one who keeps the keys the triangular paradise of earth, which is the kingdom. Do the NN deed for for me, the fatherless child of an honored widow, BOIATHYRITH, lest they take away from me the lord's fatherland and so that all good things happen by command, PHNOUNKENGEPSEUARETATHOUMISONKTAIKT MASKELLI MASKELLO PHNKETABAO ARIO ZAGRA RESICHTHON HIPPOCHTHON PYROSPARIPEGANYX KAILAM IALMIO LILIMOULEALABAELABAENEREDEMOU.

Come to me in your holy circuit of
The Holy Spirit, founder of the world,
O god of gods, lord of the world, who have
Divided by your own divine spirit
The universal first from the firstborn you
Appeared, created carefully, from water
That's turbulent, who founded all the world:
Abyss, earth, fire, water, air, and in turn
Ether of roaring rivers, red-faced moon,
Heaven's stars, morning stars, and whirling planets.
Tis by your counsels they attend all things.

You who summon... AMOCHL... PHODOPH... M... ARPHTHO... IBK/PSOUPHIS TOM... OIOTH OPHROUER CHMEIB HARPONKNOUPHI BRINTATENOPHRI BRISKYLMA BAROUAR ZARBAMESEG KRIPHI NIGTHOU MICHMOUMAOPH IAOLI PRIN ASTRAPTES AI CHEAOKRITABAOZAALE ASRISKI...OU BRITHEI STOMA, master. Come to me, lord, you who sometimes raise the light, sometimes lower the darkness with your own power. Hear me, lord, me, NN, graciously, gladly, and for a blessing, from every element from every wind, today, with your happy face, in the present hour, because I invoke your holy name from the right of the axis: IAO AOI OAI OYA OOOOOO AAAAAA IY...OAI, but from the left of the axis; IAO AYO IOAI PIPI OOO OO III AYO.. OA OAI. Come to me with a happy face to a bed of your choice, giving to me, NN, sustenance, health, health safety, wealth, the blessing of children, knowledge, a ready hearing, goodwill, sound judgment, honor, memory, grace, shapeliness, beauty to all who see me; you who hear me in everything whatsoever, give me persuasiveness with words, great god, to the EYAEO IO IAO OAI OIO EAYI TAS ERCHIS AUXACHOCH HARSAMOSI. I beg, master, accept my entreaty, the offering to you which you commanded. In order that you might now illuminate me with knowledge of things beloved by you even after the kind restoration of my material body, I pray, lord, accept this my request, the entreaty, the preliminary spell, the offering of my eloquent spirit. Let it also come to you, ruler of all, in order that you fulfill all the petitions of my prayer, you who originated from gods. We give you thanks with every soul and heart stretched out to you, unutterable name honored with the appellation of god and blessed with the appellation of father, for to everyone and to everything you have shown fatherly goodwill, affection, friendship and sweetest power, granting us intellect, speech, and knowledge; intellect so that we might understand you, speech so that we might call upon you, knowledge so that we might know you. We rejoice because you showed yourself to us; we rejoice because while we are still in bodies you deified us by knowledge of who you are. The thanks of man to you is one: to come to know you, O womb of all knowledge. We have come to know, O womb pregnant through the father's begetting. We have come to know, O eternal continuation of the pregnant father. After bowing thus before your goodness, we ask no favor except this: will that we be maintained in knowledge of you; and one protection that we not fall away from a life such as this...


In conclusion, this spell clearly demonstrates the practical and esoteric metaphysical practices the sun symbolized the world of man internally and externally. Therefore, I wrote this invocation below in my own way for further purposes of understanding.



AN INVOCATION OF HELIOS:

IAO, SABAOTH, APOLLO, HELIOS, RA, OSIRUS, HORUS
I invoke the Holy, Solar One.
The one who is victorious over Seth.
Thee, Thee I invoke.
The God of man yesterday, today, and in the future.
Hawk-headed you are and laurel is sacred to you.
Thee, Thee I invoke.
Each hour of the day is yours and yours only,
You carry the golden orb across the sky.
Thee, Thee I invoke.

I am he, the benevolent father who gives life,
Also he who the malevolent warrior who acts with every word.
From the East I am born and resurrected,
And in the west my last breath takes me into a journey in the underworld,
The fumigation of Frankincense is my offering in the day,
I am the Lord of Light of the watch tower from the height of heaven.
In the ecstasy of my pleasure I give thou the waters of the sacred Nile,
The abode of prophets and kings is my initiation.
Air-Traversing God of fire and man I am,
He who gives life on the impoverished and aristocratic alike.
For I am King by day and a wayfarer by night,
One half of the day I am in my palace of Gold,
The other half on a conquest with no possessions in darkness.
Behold, my words to be splendor the soul with every sound,
Each thought is carried to my azure, my beloved widow.
My hawk-headed son is heart full of passion,
Fighting in my name to conquer the storm-bearer, Seth.
Behold, as I am the chariot rider bringing light to darkness,
Philosophers hold my bounteous name for eternity.
I will rise for ever and ever without chains or restraints,
Slaying creatures and keeping the world’s vitality in my fortitude.

Helios and I are now one together,
In union through body, mind and spirit for the Great Work!
For we give light to the dreary and dispirited,
We give the heart of a lion for every conquest.
Every spirit and elemental conjured in my name,
Here thy voice! The voice of fire and thunder.
The crown on my head exhibits my reign and power,
It is my mind inflamed continuously burning with knowledge!
My right hand wields the sword and the left, the wand,
One is my thought and the other is my action!
Humbled, yet stern I stand before thee,
Consoled through the journey of the dead.
My end is your end,
My beginning is your beginning!
I am Ra, Osiris, Horus, Apollo, Helios, and Hyperion!
My throne is thine even when appearing vacant,
Round this whirling circle I go to keep the circular earth in order.
Surviving the chaos of the ferryman and the daemons,
They grasp after my garment and I am still here!
Hearken to thy power in silence,
And forever shall we live a life such as this.


I would like to thank Leelahel for allowing me to post such a blog and you reading it!



Thank you, Vayu Tiger
♡♡
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