This explains everything. Thank you, Social Repose. The Empress EP did something for me. It shed a lot of light on my own inner shadows, imperfections that I have wrestled with and buckled under.

Do you ever have those moments in which your soul looks itself in the mirror and the mirror cracks? You stand there for a moment, stunned. The seconds roll by seemingly on tap, but you're there in the middle of it with no notion of time passing. You are more focused on the highlights and definition of a personal discovery. Becoming more conscious of the self sometimes comes with shock and jolt. Your vision slowly starts to expand, dark spaces have light shed on them and you begin to fill in the blanks. You make more sense of yourself and get acquainted with the parts of you that nobody could possibly love, but it's still you and you have to learn how to love yourself somehow.

I've had those moments recently. They have kept me introspective for days. At the end of it, I am more patient with myself. Kinder and more accepting. Understanding my flaws has brought acceptance, and acquiesced the war that broke out within me such a long time ago. I waged the most brutal of wars with myself, but that's pretty much over now. And for that I am immensely thankful.

Coming out of dark times with a better understanding of your shortcomings and limits is necessary. I have gotten so much better at saying no, at respecting other peoples' boundaries and definitely at having my own boundaries be respected. I started to take care of myself and found so many answers to questions that needed tending to. And here I am, a work in progress but loads happier. But most importantly, I am at peace. This was definitely not an easy state of mind to achieve.

In light of the Social Repose public scandal, some of us have found our own personal truths. It is definitely possible to learn or gain new perspective from someone else's mistakes. Sometimes you can see two sides of yourself reflected in two people whose lives are alien to you, but whose feelings you deeply resonate with. That's so intense! There is definitely quite a bit of darkness being exposed, and watching them endure it under public scrutiny has made examples of both of them.

I am first and foremost grateful for these lessons. Grateful to Richie and Jaclyn for being brave enough to confront this difficult time and still have the courage to share their thoughts on the Internet. I am also grateful to those who have shown me compassion at times when I have most needed it, even if I don't necessarily deserve it. I am grateful to those who respected and protected my boundaries even if they disagreed with my actions or point of view. They set some great examples. I feel grateful to having been given the space to pick my life back up after the disasters I went through in years past. I am still a work in progress, but I am doing better every day.

Let's turn to the cards. There are quiet conversations yet to be had.

How can we learn from our dark nature?

Four cards fall on the table. Ten of WandsEight of Swords The WorldQueen of Swords

It starts with staying away from messy situations and with not loading ourselves with more weight than we can carry. It's so easy to get consumed by the extra weight we needlessly carry. So much weight gets placed on our shoulders, and some of those burdens make no sense to slave to. We build our own mental prisons with walls to keep help out, in fear of personal attack. The worst thing we can do to ourselves is wage wars with the mirror. The Queen of Swords sees her stoic face reflecting back from the blade of her sword. She revels in her solitude, her words are her gift to the rest and her contribution to this world.

We can learn not to resist circumstances, as that generates pain. We can open ourselves up to accept the world as it is, interacting with it and being ready to defend ourselves and our position. There is so much going on around us; it feels like our home planet is enduring challenge after challenge. In a place where there are so many opinions and paths of life, no two people share the same experiences or perspectives 100%. We need to endorse tolerance, and we also need to protect our personal space. Boundaries keep us comfortable for as long as we need, and the moment somebody oversteps ours we tend to fight back. We need to hold ourselves at the standard we have defined ourselves to be at, and sometimes that includes setting examples or making examples of other people.

Hello, signifier. Its been a while since I have seen you. Cool and calm Queen of Swords, how I've missed you. You choose how your interactions go and you are so impeccable with your words. 🗡🗡🗡

Advice from the cards,

The MoonSix of CupsKing of CoinsSix of Wands

Do as the most stable of your friends do. Don't get absorbed into the manic mindsets, intense and messy feelings, or in the confusion of not being able to see what's ahead. Not knowing can be maddening when you're asking yourself. Don't dwell on that which you no longer have any power over. If it's in the past, that's where it stays. You can't change it or how others feel about it, but you can look after yourself and you can do better. You can strive to be stronger and not to act on impulse. Think things through before you act and you may find you left the murk of confusion in your past, where it belongs.

In conclusion,
I have to admit that I've been thinking about this for so long now. I have started opening up to people and telling them about some of my inner battles. Being vulnerable and sharing something less than glamorous about yourself is really hard to do, it certainly takes courage. But for those of us who don't wish to be caught in the same cycle year after year, relationship after relationship; the work needs to be done. It's not easy, it's certainly not pleasant to go through, but it's necessary.

Take it slow, breathe. Take some personal space, let others make their decisions. Live with your own. Do no harm but take no shit. In other words, move on and don't look back.

It's interesting how life works. I've had so much to contemplate over the past few months. Grateful for all the light being shed in the darkest patches. Mysteries spring to life and understanding. And yet, I'm not perfect. I will likely have relapses and I will likely continue to make mistakes, but I want to improve and that's what I set out to do.

Thanks for reading.


Here we are again, the close of the wheel. Samsara does its thing. The catharsis of losing body armor. Shields, spikes and poison gone. All gone!

Coming to the end of a cycle feels like getting out at a bus stop and standing out there in the open with your luggage. You brought only just enough for the ride, and you know that all that lies ahead is new. Nothing will be like anything you know now. Whether you move to a new city or some back from a long vacation, things feel different somehow. Life opens new chapters, and off we go. I am in this place currently. I’ve got no clue what lies ahead, but here I am diving face first into a new adventure. I am living with so much intensity, that it goes just as my lover states: Driving impossibly fast through the countryside without a seat belt on and a wide smile on my face. Danger doesn’t scare me, I’m fucking fearless now.

Watching others change is easy, you’re already on the outside and you can understand what they are going through if you are attentive enough. But you don’t have the same luxury with yourself unless you are very thorough with a mirror or you record yourself regularly. I don’t do either of these things, so I often miss the transition from one point to another. What happens is that I get reacquainted with myself once I have already changed. By then, there’s no going back.

Can I just say though how stoked I am for 2018? The wheel has been reset and new things are coming. I’ve bid my dues. Goodbye.

Ever since things have taken a turn for the better, I’ve been injected with a refreshing sense of zest for life and adventure. A last hurrah of sorts, if you will.

Feeling energized and called back to days of adventure, in which the course is figured out as we go along more so than by having been outlined already. This is new. For once I’m not defining the path where things will go. I define plans for adventures and bonding experiences, but where I go next will be decided as I am going from point A to point B. I’ve never been this new to life!

October. Ten of Cups.
And we’re off to a good start. My mood is better than it has been in years and I am actually looking forward to it. I’ve got so many plans for days of celebration, the month promises to be a turnt up one. Crowned by candles and drinks aplenty, hopefully in the company of my friends. This is my birthday month, a time to pause and count my blessings, thank my spirit court and prepare for messages from my ancestors. I am grateful to have reached this point, grateful to be well and to have reasons to smile.

November. Knight of Wands.
Burning through time, acting on impulse. This is the kind of adventure that isn’t thought over quite well enough but ends up being really passionate, possibly even full of unexpected surprises. Let your intuition be your guide as you rush through a path of fire and debris. Anything you zoom by, you do so with confidence. Traveling light, fast and invisible. Trailblazing.

Flirt game came strong this month! Pack the good nature and saucy smiles, it looks like you’re going to need them. You may find yourself facing passion so strong it smothers. Corruption is sweet.

December. Five of Coins.
After all the partying dies down, we are left with the space in need of cleaning up and getting organized. It’s okay to say no if you are tired, it’s okay to skip out on something big to have some quiet time at home. After all the ruckus, look to find your center. Replenish your resources. Make new plans later, for now just nurture and rest. You need it.

January. Page of Coins.
It’s a challenge to balance your light and your darkness, dayside self and nightside self. After you’ve rested and recuperated some, you’ll be ready for something new. Start to gather ideas, start to work more seriously on projects. Observe and learn. Keep an open mind. It’s possible you’ll have a new work venture. Full speed ahead!

February. Nine of Cups.
Joyful celebration. The heart’s desire/wishes coming true. Something good is happening, a reason to make announcements. This moment is important, so pay close attention to what happens then. Otherwise, continue to enjoy and to celebrate life. Rally all those that you love close to you and share your blessings with them.

March. Ten of Coins.
Making the home cozy. Feeling more at home, welcoming others to your home. A full house is a busy one. Maybe [finally] going back home after what could be a 6-7 month exile from my motherland. I'd like to visit before then, but you never know.

April. Five of Swords.
Annoying. There can’t always be peace and smiles. For this month, the best piece of advice is to hold back from your instinctual response. Think things through. Don’t act or speak without thinking. Ask yourself if it is necessary to participate or if any good will come of it. If the answer is no, turn your back and keep walking. You don’t have time for bullshit.

May. Queen of Wands.
Creativity, beauty without bounds. Use your paint brush as your magic wand, breathe life into concepts that have been gracing your dreams with color. Assume a position of charisma and goodnatured extroversion. Seek to bring people together with you at their center, entertaining them.

Cut through the drama, ignore any loudmouths causing you grief. Look through it all to their intentions, then ask yourself if you really want to participate or not.

June. Four of Cups.
Dreams, dreams, drinks. Have you found yourself dreaming and day dreaming for too long? What’s the use of that? How about you get up off your comfortable chair and go explore instead? Whenever feelings stagnate and you feel yourself being dragged back into a contented rut, break yourself out of that by forcing yourself back in motion. Try to avoid unnecessarily being dragged back into bitter reminders. Don’t make any hasty decisions.

July. The Lovers.
Lovers coming together. A connection so insane it feels like mind reading. Words meant only for one set of ears. Actions that penetrate right through you as if a shot gun had been fired right into your chest. I see you. I feel you. I love you.

Choices aren’t easy all the time. Often times you have to leave something else behind to assume the path of your new future, and that’s okay. Keep moving forward with the knowledge that it will be okay because you’re not alone. You have somebody backing you up and whispering kind words of love. Keep going.

August. Justice.
Cold truth does not yell over the others or overexert itself. Cold truth waits its turn to come out, and then it weighs what is and what is not. Is your heart heavy with burdens? Is it light? Decide. Trials are coming up ahead and you need to be ready to affront them. Proceed with confidence if your heart is light. Proceed with caution if you’ve got things to hide.

September. Eight of Cups.
Some things you have to walk away from with a heavy hear when there is no alternative. Give thanks for what nurtured your spirit and release that which only holds you back. In this life, change is always guaranteed. You can get with it or you can be dragged by it. It’s better if you cooperate though, because resistance generates pain. Don’t fall for that.

Clarifier. Ace of Coins. New opportunities. A period of growth is starting, as this card casts an aura of its influence over the next set of twelve months.

I don’t know if my newfound optimism is casting an unrealistic sheen of hope and joyfulness on my reading, but I am really hoping that it is in one way or another. This card draw has really excited me for the next year coming up! Now that I’ve got a whole new outlook on life, I want to get lost in the world and I wish to traverse new horizons. I am getting to know myself again as I get to know what’s out there, too.

It's going to be a crazy adventure for sure. Cheers, to a life lived with intensity.


Can you believe Samhain Moon just turned 7 yesterday? I can't!

This blog started out a couple of months after graduation. I had committed to be ready by the date, and once it launched it became my niche for self-expression on the Internet. I would post spreads, reviews and personal stories/photos. It became an extension of my online persona, and for a while it validated my presence in the tarot and divination communities. I owe a lot to this space. It has helped me connect with lots of people, too.

I haven't been nearly as active on this space as I'd like to. Partly because I've been too busy being a party monster in the month of October, partly because I haven't felt inspired to take photos of the cards for this blog. But it still stands as a portal to connect to like-minded people. I often speak about closing it down, but the truth is I don't have the heart to. This connects me to my past self and stands as a reminder of all the life lessons learned in the past seven years. That has it's own worth.

Oh, how we grow. Growing pains help us see life through different perspectives. Being on the other side of it has been good for the spirit. Once you walk away from old sources of pain and the spring is back in your step, you do what you can to hang onto that feel good state of mind. As the old skin is shed, new events come into play. It's interesting how life just does its thing, and trusting the outcome ends up in living intensely.

I haven't dressed up for Halloween in about 7 years now. That's a really, really long time. Coming back full blast made it fun again. This year I decided to dress up as Eric Draven from The Crow. It brought a smile to my face when people recognized who I was going as.

I admit it felt like embracing social suicide. I am not used to so much [black] make up and I am not used to making aggressive faces for the camera, but in the spirit of trying something new I found it wasn't so bad after all. To some it probably just looked like corpse paint. ⚰💀🗡✨ lol!

It feels good to be a part of something. Cloak & Dagger has quickly become my favorite place and experience to have in Los Angeles. The community is unlike any other. Meeting likeminded people you resonate with is rare, even more so to have such a high concentration of them in one space. Last night was the first time the club had been filled to capacity. Some of our friends had to be snuck in through the back. It was wild to see that some strange faces I saw but did not recognize were actually my friends on social media.

Not a lot to report, really just a commemoration of last night. We did a ritual before heading out to the club, treating the night as the new year.

Bless this mess.

Opening photo credit to @tyliner. And yes, Adam Bravin and Diplo DJed for us.