This year seems to be going rough for everyone that I know. I feel as if we can’t blame Mercury Rx or Mars Rx — although, for us Libras, this Mars Rx in Libra is being a real bother… — because there is a percentage of these faults that are our own. Bodies give out, circumstances don’t cooperate, and people fall out of love with one another. It happens. It’s really not worth preoccupying everybody else with the suspicion that something is up, because there are people who are going through real problems and real worries. Somewhere out there, there is a lost airplane from Malaysia with people that really need to get back to their lives, jobs and families. Chile and California are shaking continuously, and animals are fleeing Yellowstone Park as a warning that the volcano might be going off. Those are the real problems we should be worried about. I digress...
Lately I have been evading bullets with people close to me. I am not a yes person by any means, and find myself growing nervous when my plans don’t turn out as planned. I am so careful with my plans that I give myself enough leeway for spontaneity. Let’s face it, life happens all the time. Giving yourself enough wiggle room at least gives you a chance to react when your plans aren’t going as planned. However, there is a chance that no matter how well you plan ahead of time, things don’t work out the way that you planned. I promised C that I’d look after her cat. She is dating J, my room mate, and is the sweetest. We have been hanging out lately and enjoying one another’s company. J is never home, doesn’t lift a finger to clean and will not be moved to look after the cat after a long day at work. That’s the truth. N tells me that she is going out of town and is looking for someone to take care of her dog, so I volunteer. N is my best friend from college and a person that I would do anything for. I check to make sure schedules don’t conflict before making the commitment. N will be gone from Friday to Wednesday, and C from Friday to Monday. This means I can do it! And I even have an extra day for cleaning. Perfect…
Not perfect. When I get to N’s house, she springs a surprise trip back home on me. Meaning she won’t be back until Monday. I went to bed and thought about it, then consulted C about my situation and made the terms very clear. Wednesday night rolls around and I have no confirmation from N or C, I feel pressure of letting them down, and I tell myself I can’t leave this dog by himself if someone isn’t coming to pick him up.
In light of these events, I turned off the working station and went to take a shower. During the shower, this blog post started writing itself in my mind and I decided to put away my thoughts and to enjoy the shower instead. When I was done, I crawled into bed and turned on my Macbook Pro. The mental meltdown happened at 10P.M., and it is 11P.M. by the time I have gone through the whole issue. Writing this entry has given me the chance to step back and take it all in at once.
Before long, I am going to turn the computer off and bury myself under the sheets. I will seek solace in my pillow and hope that by tomorrow, the way forward will be clear. I will pull some tarot cards and make note of what I get, then we will go back and assess it before this post goes live. To be honest, I am debating whether or not to post it. I don’t like to make my personal business public, especially with so many friends involved. The fact that their identities are concealed reassures me, although anyone who knows me well enough will probably know who I am talking about. Hell, if the friends mentioned read my blog, they will easily be able to identify their roles in the story.
My dreams have been telling me things lately, or rather, warning me of very important events. I am starting to gain perspective on a dream I woke up really dazed from this [Wednesday] morning. In the dream, I found myself walking outside my neighborhood in Puerto Rico. It was storming heavily, with pelting rain and high winds. It was night time and dark out, none of the lamp posts were lit. Every now and then lightning would strike, and the scene would be horrifying. The plants were pale and stretched out menacingly. They looked like tentacles, and swayed in the wind as if they had a mind of their own. Instead of soil, there were bugs by the hundreds. Roaches, worms, beetles, large ants. My eyes widened every time the lightning lit up the scene, it was a real nightmare. I didn’t run away in fear, though, I stood my ground for some reason. When the scene was dark, the plants were back to normal. They were as I remembered them. Every time that lightning flashed, though, I was forced to see something really ugly.
BREAKING DOWN THE SYMBOLS:
☆ Storm: Overwhelming struggle, shock, loss or catastrophe in waking life. Unexpressed fears or emotions; anger, rage, turmoil, etc. It may also mean rising spirituality, or rapid changes. I resonate with the meaning of the symbol in the sense that I am a bit afraid to face my friends with the truth of the situation because I am trying to protect them. I also feel the circumstances are out of my control and hostile.
☆ Lightning: Sudden awareness or light being shed in the darkness. The ugly truth reveals itself. Shocking events are implied. Many forces governing your life may be beyond your control and even destructive.
☆ Lawn: To see a green lawn represents hope.You are in control and making steady and smooth progress. If the lawn is overgrown or full of weeds, then it means that you are not taking good care of yourself. Yeah, no kidding. It can’t be good care of yourself if you’re off worrying about how somebody else is feeling about something you did or did not do.
☆ Bugs: Symbolic of anxiety or fears. What is literally bugging you?
☆ Tentacles: Unknown danger lurking from the depths of your subconscious. Your subconscious is trying to pull you in so you can address the issues that you have been refusing to confront or acknowledge. Alternatively, the dream refers to a very clingy relationship.
Once more, proof of how dreams can tell us exactly what it is that we need to pay attention to, even if we don’t realize it immediately when we have that dream. I am very impressed with the foreboding quality of the warning that the dream delivers, and wish that I had listened before it got to this point.
Friends are wonderful, but we should never compromise ourselves if we can help it. No one likes to end up looking bad for not upholding a prior commitment.
Oh, and by the way, this happened last week. The matter has already been solved. Come the next day, N wrote me back saying it was okay for me to stay at her house until she got back on Monday. C left the cat with J, who took good care of it.
Sometimes, the best way to deal with something is not to overload yourself with it. We have so much going on already, it’s a shame to dampen a good day with problems.
It’s hard when you want to but can’t please everyone. The most important part is to be true to yourself.