This last trip to Puerto Rico has been a soothing balm to an aching soul. I genuinely enjoyed myself in the very best of ways. Being around friends that understood me made me very happy. Their presence in my life brings color back, and the hues inspire to keep moving forward. Parties, cemetery walks and savory food wrapped in the summer balm. Something about it all enticed me, and made me feel called to explore it all further. Down the rabbit hole we go. In my past I think I had closed myself off to happiness and to live fully, particularly because I put others first even when they were not reciprocating. I turned a blind eye and then I pushed it too much, with no surprise there was a lot broken up. Myself included.

During this trip I had some very real magic encounters. People that have been in the periphery my life started coming closer and opening up in ways I never imagined possible. I also bonded with some of my long-forgotten tarot cards. Then I went out with a very enticing guy and I broke the seal on a temporary break from Caribbean nightlife. I met new people and as an act of magic my soul acquiesced in its original home. It was a bittersweet delight to take some edibles and have interesting experiences in my old room while I cleaned my closet of past life clothes, receipts, bags, gifts, jackets made by ghosts, and memories. I said goodbye to my old self and put a very abrupt end to my hoarding. Kill the memories. As if by magic I felt called to clean out my old closet, and that was a journey in itself.

But there has been more than one journey going on simultaneously. I am getting reacquainted with the world around me. My relationship to the outside world is changing. It's a lot to get used to, with absolutely everything rearranging itself. The Rubic's cube is set in motion. My life is new to me again. I feel myself on the verge of a completely different trajectory. It's scary and exciting at the same time. I'm not used to it.

Everybody has been so wonderful to me. I can't tell them enough how much I appreciate their warmth, support and love. Even in the face of a crippling depression I find that I have pulled a glamoured veil over myself and fill my heart with light. When we cross paths, you pass by a magician in civilian's clothes. That is the magic of illusion. Glamours delight!

By the end of the trip, I came out radiating joy. I also made great progress in calming my inner tempest. My takeaway has been that I had no reason to fear to begin with. It was all a matter of time for everything to fall into place, no matter how painful the process may have been. Now that I’m back, I look forward to spending more time connecting to my motherland. I want to be a part of its happenings and I want to smash the negative memories that had remained. They don’t hold me captive anymore. Not all of that progress is up to me, though; but in what is in my control I intend to make the most of it.

I feel my path changing, trading concerns and fears for newfound confidence. Releasing old complaints to make way for more progressive ways of thinking. Life has splendor and color back, even with all the ups and downs of the path. And despite dragging old feelings of loneliness, I feel more loved now than I ever did before. Kill the feelings of loneliness too. They don’t serve a purpose.

I walk out of this experience with an uncharted map, and the possibility to make my own waves or ripples depending on what I feel like that day. When the situation calls for it, solitude. My vision changed. I changed. As I get acquainted with the new me staring across from the mirror, the context I am in changes as well. This kaleidoscope of newfound feelings lights my face with a different color every day. I love deeply.

Thank you Puerto Rico, your warm reception has paved the way for great new adventures. I am honored to witness your folklore and radiance despite having a riotous past. Cheers, to a new adventure on the horizon and just short of two weeks. I look forward to come back and kill the loneliness.

See you soon,

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