(01) Five of Swords

I was in a cold place; there was no sympathy or anything that isn’t darkness. This was limbo.

Change of scene.
I was at Dennys with my family, kicking my cousin out and throwing ice and soda all over her and my aunt. I yelled ugly things at them in rage, but they didn’t say anything in return. My other — now dead — cousin took my headphones off and asked me if I felt dead. I was listening to music that sounded a lot like a slow NIN and I did look pretty lifeless. There was a bald boy staring back at me, between Grandpa in my parents. He was clearly younger than me, just now starting his teens. He had Jean’s features and reddish brown eyes, but he was very pale. He looked like he had cancer because he was so pale and he had no hair. He sported a grey shirt with a grey and red beanie on. He looked like an angel. He tamed my anger, for a minute we stared at one another in silence. I recognized him as my own son would be at age thirteen.

(02) Six of Swords
I was at a party in Juana Diaz, we all got together at J’s house and agreed to set out from there. Jake came in all dressed up with Robert Downey Jr. walking in after him. We were all shocked to see him sporting bondage gear, he definitely seemed ready to go goth clubbing with us. The girls all seemed to get really nervous whenever he would walk past him. Everybody was bug-eyed, no one quite knew how Jake managed to bring him.

When it was time to drive back, J met up with his Mom. They staid behind. I called to check if he was okay, and found him so spaced out that we ended up fighting over the phone. The trip was really long and everybody else was asleep in the car. “You’re always so irresponsible!" Was the last thing I recall saying before waking up.

(03) Seven of Swords

J and I were making our way through the park. I saw A first, she was sitting on the stairs with her brown and red hair pulled back in a ponytail. Her eyes were focused on a brand new camera, but were clouded with her thoughts. Her fingers turned a dial on it to adjust the settings and her friends lingered around her like drones. It wasn’t long before J saw her. He got so fired up that he marched his way over. He had on a black leather jacket, slim pants and biker boots. His hair was styled upwards with a white streak and his eyes were as red as ever. Once he started to talk, A stared at him in disbelief and didn’t really say anything. The more he spoke, the more she seemed to sink. He unloaded his fury and all I did was watch with my arms crossed over my chest and my weight balanced against a wall. I had on the same type of leather jacket with a ripped up shirt, tight pants and a pair of boots. Both J and I looked pale and dead compared to A and all her friends, which looked healthy even though they were dressed in black as well. There were at least 6 of them, and just two of us.

We used to be just like them, but we got tired of people sapping our ides and stealing our personality. It got to the point we lashed out just because we couldn’t take the abuse anymore.

(04) Eight of Swords
For some reason I found myself back in school, sitting on a desk directly behind J. We were in what seemed to be a mathematics class. The period passed slowly with barely any dialogue to keep anybody’s interest going. I followed a spider to kill it and realized there were many that got larger and larger until the queen spider at the very ceiling. She was pretty frightening, but nobody seemed to notice the group of spiders on the wall. They must have thought it to be a string of decorations, but they could move on their own.

The bell rung and a new group came inside for the music course. I recognized a lot of J’s clubbing friends had signed up for the course. When they came in, the environment lightened up considerably. We all shook hands and shared details of our latest spooky finds, delightful recipes and fun games to play. It was almost like being part of their lifestyle, and having grown close to them through their experiences. When the teacher came in, they all settled in odd pairs on their decks. C  ended up sitting nearby with a Lisa Frank binder. I wanted to compliment it, but found the atmosphere around her was tense; she shot me a dirty look for no reason.

I asked C if she had a problem and she said I was the problem. It made my heart sink. She told me I was messing with someone that was getting married. I told her not to be ridiculous in an incredulous tone because the only person I was messing around with was sitting right next to me, then pointed at J. He stared back at her through suspicious eyes, and in rage I got up and left the classroom.

I went to watch a movie at the library, where I ran into M and MC. Soon I was hypnotized by a t.v. and C’s ignorance was long forgotten. I had plans to meet J for ice cream after school was over, where we would no doubt talk about how to pacify that situation.

(05) Nine of Swords
This feels like Gotham, but it is very likely just New York. We had come for a brief period, but were happy to find ourselves extending our stay. The apartment complex we lived in had a fun building next to it which also happened to be residential. It threw the wildest parties we had seen yet in a neighboring house.

Tonight’s party had a Victorian theme splices with the 90s. The music was all too familiar and inviting so we cooked up some treats and made our way over. When we got there, we found they had a feast for anybody and a full open bar. The building seemed to quake; the music made it sway from side to side. We danced next to the neighbors and made many new friends. I waved over at Grandma who waved right back, and found Mom catching up with someone she had not seen in ages.

I stepped outside to enjoy the cool night air, and then I saw a boy beckoning me over. It looked like a paler version of J, but most of his face had been obscured under a hood. We spent the rest of the night having a heart to heart under the stars. We spoke about our feelings for one another. Even though the moon shone its light on us, I couldn’t see him. I pulled back his hood and gave him a deep kiss.

These tarot dreams get increasingly more personal. I half expect to relive a scene from real life with a few added elements. They're really close to literal life, and don't embody the dreamworld as I thought they would. They're mine, though, and they ring close to my heart. It is hard to share such intimate aspects of the self sometimes, but it sure helps develop some courage as well. These dreams make my life feel pretty transparent; you can tell what I care about the most, and which influential factors affect that area of my life.

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