ANNUAL REVIEW 2018




Here we are again, the close of the wheel. Samsara does its thing. The catharsis of losing body armor. Shields, spikes and poison gone. All gone!

Coming to the end of a cycle feels like getting out at a bus stop and standing out there in the open with your luggage. You brought only just enough for the ride, and you know that all that lies ahead is new. Nothing will be like anything you know now. Whether you move to a new city or some back from a long vacation, things feel different somehow. Life opens new chapters, and off we go. I am in this place currently. I’ve got no clue what lies ahead, but here I am diving face first into a new adventure. I am living with so much intensity, that it goes just as my lover states: Driving impossibly fast through the countryside without a seat belt on and a wide smile on my face. Danger doesn’t scare me, I’m fucking fearless now.

Watching others change is easy, you’re already on the outside and you can understand what they are going through if you are attentive enough. But you don’t have the same luxury with yourself unless you are very thorough with a mirror or you record yourself regularly. I don’t do either of these things, so I often miss the transition from one point to another. What happens is that I get reacquainted with myself once I have already changed. By then, there’s no going back.

Can I just say though how stoked I am for 2018? The wheel has been reset and new things are coming. I’ve bid my dues. Goodbye.

Ever since things have taken a turn for the better, I’ve been injected with a refreshing sense of zest for life and adventure. A last hurrah of sorts, if you will.

Feeling energized and called back to days of adventure, in which the course is figured out as we go along more so than by having been outlined already. This is new. For once I’m not defining the path where things will go. I define plans for adventures and bonding experiences, but where I go next will be decided as I am going from point A to point B. I’ve never been this new to life!



October. Ten of Cups.
And we’re off to a good start. My mood is better than it has been in years and I am actually looking forward to it. I’ve got so many plans for days of celebration, the month promises to be a turnt up one. Crowned by candles and drinks aplenty, hopefully in the company of my friends. This is my birthday month, a time to pause and count my blessings, thank my spirit court and prepare for messages from my ancestors. I am grateful to have reached this point, grateful to be well and to have reasons to smile.

November. Knight of Wands.
Burning through time, acting on impulse. This is the kind of adventure that isn’t thought over quite well enough but ends up being really passionate, possibly even full of unexpected surprises. Let your intuition be your guide as you rush through a path of fire and debris. Anything you zoom by, you do so with confidence. Traveling light, fast and invisible. Trailblazing.

Flirt game came strong this month! Pack the good nature and saucy smiles, it looks like you’re going to need them. You may find yourself facing passion so strong it smothers. Corruption is sweet.

December. Five of Coins.
After all the partying dies down, we are left with the space in need of cleaning up and getting organized. It’s okay to say no if you are tired, it’s okay to skip out on something big to have some quiet time at home. After all the ruckus, look to find your center. Replenish your resources. Make new plans later, for now just nurture and rest. You need it.

January. Page of Coins.
It’s a challenge to balance your light and your darkness, dayside self and nightside self. After you’ve rested and recuperated some, you’ll be ready for something new. Start to gather ideas, start to work more seriously on projects. Observe and learn. Keep an open mind. It’s possible you’ll have a new work venture. Full speed ahead!



February. Nine of Cups.
Joyful celebration. The heart’s desire/wishes coming true. Something good is happening, a reason to make announcements. This moment is important, so pay close attention to what happens then. Otherwise, continue to enjoy and to celebrate life. Rally all those that you love close to you and share your blessings with them.

March. Ten of Coins.
Making the home cozy. Feeling more at home, welcoming others to your home. A full house is a busy one. Maybe [finally] going back home after what could be a 6-7 month exile from my motherland. I'd like to visit before then, but you never know.

April. Five of Swords.
Annoying. There can’t always be peace and smiles. For this month, the best piece of advice is to hold back from your instinctual response. Think things through. Don’t act or speak without thinking. Ask yourself if it is necessary to participate or if any good will come of it. If the answer is no, turn your back and keep walking. You don’t have time for bullshit.

May. Queen of Wands.
Creativity, beauty without bounds. Use your paint brush as your magic wand, breathe life into concepts that have been gracing your dreams with color. Assume a position of charisma and goodnatured extroversion. Seek to bring people together with you at their center, entertaining them.

Cut through the drama, ignore any loudmouths causing you grief. Look through it all to their intentions, then ask yourself if you really want to participate or not.


June. Four of Cups.
Dreams, dreams, drinks. Have you found yourself dreaming and day dreaming for too long? What’s the use of that? How about you get up off your comfortable chair and go explore instead? Whenever feelings stagnate and you feel yourself being dragged back into a contented rut, break yourself out of that by forcing yourself back in motion. Try to avoid unnecessarily being dragged back into bitter reminders. Don’t make any hasty decisions.

July. The Lovers.
Lovers coming together. A connection so insane it feels like mind reading. Words meant only for one set of ears. Actions that penetrate right through you as if a shot gun had been fired right into your chest. I see you. I feel you. I love you.

Choices aren’t easy all the time. Often times you have to leave something else behind to assume the path of your new future, and that’s okay. Keep moving forward with the knowledge that it will be okay because you’re not alone. You have somebody backing you up and whispering kind words of love. Keep going.

August. Justice.
Cold truth does not yell over the others or overexert itself. Cold truth waits its turn to come out, and then it weighs what is and what is not. Is your heart heavy with burdens? Is it light? Decide. Trials are coming up ahead and you need to be ready to affront them. Proceed with confidence if your heart is light. Proceed with caution if you’ve got things to hide.

September. Eight of Cups.
Some things you have to walk away from with a heavy hear when there is no alternative. Give thanks for what nurtured your spirit and release that which only holds you back. In this life, change is always guaranteed. You can get with it or you can be dragged by it. It’s better if you cooperate though, because resistance generates pain. Don’t fall for that.


Clarifier. Ace of Coins. New opportunities. A period of growth is starting, as this card casts an aura of its influence over the next set of twelve months.

I don’t know if my newfound optimism is casting an unrealistic sheen of hope and joyfulness on my reading, but I am really hoping that it is in one way or another. This card draw has really excited me for the next year coming up! Now that I’ve got a whole new outlook on life, I want to get lost in the world and I wish to traverse new horizons. I am getting to know myself again as I get to know what’s out there, too.

It's going to be a crazy adventure for sure. Cheers, to a life lived with intensity.
♡♡

VII



Can you believe Samhain Moon just turned 7 yesterday? I can't!

This blog started out a couple of months after graduation. I had committed to be ready by the date, and once it launched it became my niche for self-expression on the Internet. I would post spreads, reviews and personal stories/photos. It became an extension of my online persona, and for a while it validated my presence in the tarot and divination communities. I owe a lot to this space. It has helped me connect with lots of people, too.

I haven't been nearly as active on this space as I'd like to. Partly because I've been too busy being a party monster in the month of October, partly because I haven't felt inspired to take photos of the cards for this blog. But it still stands as a portal to connect to like-minded people. I often speak about closing it down, but the truth is I don't have the heart to. This connects me to my past self and stands as a reminder of all the life lessons learned in the past seven years. That has it's own worth.

Oh, how we grow. Growing pains help us see life through different perspectives. Being on the other side of it has been good for the spirit. Once you walk away from old sources of pain and the spring is back in your step, you do what you can to hang onto that feel good state of mind. As the old skin is shed, new events come into play. It's interesting how life just does its thing, and trusting the outcome ends up in living intensely.





I haven't dressed up for Halloween in about 7 years now. That's a really, really long time. Coming back full blast made it fun again. This year I decided to dress up as Eric Draven from The Crow. It brought a smile to my face when people recognized who I was going as.

I admit it felt like embracing social suicide. I am not used to so much [black] make up and I am not used to making aggressive faces for the camera, but in the spirit of trying something new I found it wasn't so bad after all. To some it probably just looked like corpse paint. ⚰💀🗡✨ lol!

It feels good to be a part of something. Cloak & Dagger has quickly become my favorite place and experience to have in Los Angeles. The community is unlike any other. Meeting likeminded people you resonate with is rare, even more so to have such a high concentration of them in one space. Last night was the first time the club had been filled to capacity. Some of our friends had to be snuck in through the back. It was wild to see that some strange faces I saw but did not recognize were actually my friends on social media.

Not a lot to report, really just a commemoration of last night. We did a ritual before heading out to the club, treating the night as the new year.








Bless this mess.

Opening photo credit to @tyliner. And yes, Adam Bravin and Diplo DJed for us.
♡♡

CLOAK & DAGGER FEST



How to describe the madness of the weekend and still do it justice? I'll try my best!

Spaceland, Restless Nites and Cloak & Dagger threw together a monster of a music festival featuring some of the best acts that play dark music. Attendees had their mind repeatedly blown by the variety and quality of the music acts. Cloak & Dagger members were given their own wristbands to access VIP areas and gain access to the Biergarten, which I thought was really cool of them to do. They take after their own.






FRIDAY ACTS:
♡ Tr/st
♡ Jesus and Mary Chain
♡ Ho99o9
♡ Drab Majesty
♡ LovexTerror
♡ Tropic of Cancer

It took a while to understand quite how the different rooms and wristbands worked, but the acts I got to see were all excellent. The night actually got kicked off with the LXT show, for which we had a great location. I was blown away by Adam Bravin's performance as a lead singer. The squad rocked out to several acts until the time came to see Tr/st.



Let's talk about Tr/st. When Alfons Robert came on stage, I nearly lost it. We happened to be right in the center, a few rows from the stage. The squad was all there, and we got caught dancing all up on one another. The energy went up about three levels during this show, and it was definitely very enjoyable. This was the band I had come to see, and unfortunately they got cut off before they could play a lot of my favorite songs. But still, this was my first time seeing them and it was a treat. Definitely hope to see them perform again soon.

Since this performance, I've had the blues. They definitely left me wanting to see more!




SATURDAY ACTS:
♡ She Wants Revenge
♡ Poptone
♡ Ramsey
♡ Zombi
♡ Nostalghia
♡ The Soft Moon
♡ Ohgr

The second day had stellar acts as well. I wove in and out of sets to be able to catch the ones that were going on at the same time and managed to see most every band I wanted to see perform. Come the end of the night they did "ritual" minus the ritual and spoke about the Cloak and Dagger community. We wound down the night with Tear You Apart. It was amazing to see She Wants Revenge live after delighting in having DJ Adam 12 spin tracks for us every Tuesday.

It was very rewarding to bump into Cloak family throughout the event, there is a special current tying all of us together.



Impressions by Annie Lesser
If you see a telephones ringing, pick them up. One of them will send you on a scavenger hunt. It all starts with the blonde that has a green scarf, she is dancing among the crowd. Go up to her and tell her the password, then she will send you on your way to the woman with the drawers. The drawers take you through a journey to your past. You inspect tangles, the broken self, and scent. I had fun discovering my own magic with her.

Once I was done with her, she told me to go visit the statue woman at the Tower. The statue woman took me down to the basement and into a dark room with almost no space. There, I had something whispered in my ear. I received a hug right before she disappeared. I stumbled out of that room with confusion.

Later on, somebody took us to the topmost room at the Globe theater. Tyliner, his friend, Andrew and I all ended up telling each other our truths — well, more like our secrets. The last experiene I had was Rain. I went down to the basement where I was told to go in through the door. There, Terence and I looked at the rain. We had a thought-provoking conversation.The experience was an immersive one for sure. I walked back out of there pensive.

                 

Really enjoyed the event, looking forward to see what they will come up with next year. It's bound to be an event to plan the year around! Thank you so much, Cloak & Dagger crew!
♡♡

DEPECHE MODE GLOBAL SPIRIT TOUR



We need to interrupt the regular schedule to talk about a mind-altering experience I just had last night. I know we haven’t even talked about Marrakech yet, but you guys need to hear this now.

Last night Depeche Mode played the Global Spirit Tour at the Hollywood Bowl. The event started at 7:30P.M., but we arrived at 8:30P.M. And missed out on Warpaint's set, Just getting there was a mission, the street was jam packed with traffic and the place is so big that it looked like a giant ant farm. It was overflowing with hustle, bustle and street food. Being an empath and being pelted with his much coming at you from all sides gives you a sense of euphoria as the excitement mounts. Energy sensitive people were likely extremely overwhelmed and hyper. I certainly was!

I was delighted with our seats, and the company was excellent. We felt the entire set deeply within our hearts and souls. There was a cathartic release of tears and old emotions thrown back out into the world, and with the space that it created I felt myself filling up with love. An overwhelming amount of joy, gratitude and love flooded me. I haven’t felt this alive in years!

It was incredibly easy to get lost in the music. I wish I could recreate the atmosphere and mindset for you in words, but it's very difficult. You feel the excitement in waves, and the more that people cheer the more you feel your body will spontaneously combust. The weather was divine, it wasn't humid or hot like it has been the past few days. Everybody was having fun in an extremely safe environment. There were many cop cars there at the ready in case an attack broke out. I felt completely liberated and able to express myself. There's no price on that.





The setlist was incredible! I think I even enjoyed it more than the ’13 Delta Machine Tour and Soulsavers.

GLOBAL SPIRIT TOUR SETLIST
♡ Revolution (Beatles song)
♡ Cover Me
♡ Going Backwards
♡ It’s No Good (Tour Debut)
♡ Barrel of a Gun
♡ A Pain That I’m Used To (Jacques Lu Cont Rmx)
♡ Corrupt
♡ In Your Room (🔥🔥🔥 Can you say sizzling?)
♡ World In My Eyes
♡ Cover Me
♡ Insight
♡ Home
♡ Poison Heart
♡ Where’s the Revolution
♡ Wrong
♡ Everything Counts
♡ Stripped
♡ Enjoy the Silence
♡ Never Let Me Down Again

ENCORE:
♡ Shake the Disease
♡ Walking in My Shoes
♡ Black Celebration
♡ I Feel You
♡ Personal Jesus

Insane, right??



After the show, we scrambled. I didn’t get to see my Cloak squad even though they were present. The insanity of the crowds was overwhelming, and luckily we didn't get stuck. Instead, we walked to Boardner’s for Blue Mondays. The night took a turn for the wild, we partied so hard. I ran into Marco, which I met recently at the last Ruin. Christopher was also there, so we had a great dance troupe. All smiles!

After the club, Silvia and I went to grab a bite to eat. We opened up to each other about our secrets and laughed plenty. With open hearts it is easier to see into the soul of the people you are facing. We were glowing, winding down a successful outing with intense love overflowing. Despite all of the insanity of the past few years, life is good. We had the best time!

Now I’ve got memories to last me through the day. Tonight is Diplo's guest dj set at Cloak and Dagger. The Cloak squad gives me so much life! Ever since I met them earlier this year, these people have changed my life. We are going to dance the night away in our church like sanctuary. There will be sonic romance. There will be a sickening amount of photo booth pictures taken and the dancing will burn us clean again. Yes!



I love Los Angeles. I love the intensity of the life I am living. I love that you are all supporting me after such a hard time and filling my heart with some much-needed love. I’ve been starving for too long. Thank you!

My birthday is this Sunday. I promise I will write about the Marrakech trip soon!
♡♡

IRMA & MARIA




I’m sure you’ve heard by now, but my motherland has just been violated by two back to back superstorms, Irma and María. We just narrowly avoided getting combed through by José.

Being an expatriate watching it all happen from the outside is painful. When Irma hit, Mom was back there and I was rendered useless for the entire day. I would obsessively refresh through the hurricane trackers and google news. Work wasn’t happening, and neither was my peace of mind. I wasn’t at peace the whole time we were incommunicado. The stress of wanting to be there to accompany my family through the monster storm was overwhelming and honestly rather crippling.

As if by a cruel twist of fate, she gathered her things and left with me on vacation. The trip to Marrakech was really long, but it gave us time to catch up on the details of what had just happened. As we were on our second day in Marrakech and scouting the new city, we ended up sitting at a Starbucks having anxiety attacks. Hurricane María was combing through Puerto Rico and we had no clue what would become of the house I grew up in. Since we were not expecting the storm before the vacation, the house was left with no protection. We felt a cold shower of fear drape all around us.

The next few days were one painful assault after the other. As it turns out, María completely devastated my island. We find ourselves in a state of emergency as a declared disaster zone, and we are now at the mercy of the rest of the world to send in supplies and donations to help us out. Our beautiful trees and palm trees have been stripped of their leaves or torn out of their resting places, light posts have also fallen and caused much damage. I fear for our local green parrots, highlight of my mornings and afternoons, 90 of which were rescued.

We are estimated to be left without power or water for 6-7 months. 

Life after a hurricane is no easy feat. I worry about everybody I've ever known, for their safety from desperate burglars forcing their needs to be prioritized at gunpoint. Hospitals have been robbed of their gasoline. Pitbull enlists his personal asset to fly cancer patients out of the country while the President stumbles over his ability to aid the American citizens in dire need. Food spoils and people face the risk of starvation. What a nightmare. My people are in need. Everyone faces mortal peril. My heart weeps for my motherland.




Thank you to all those of you extending your warmth, expressing your concern and reaching out to help directly. I can't begin to express how much it means to me!
♡♡
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