There has been so much going on! Sometimes I want to pause my life because I have the need to compose diary entries to share on my blog. It seems that if the task is not done ahead of time and left prepared, it will get left for later. It has been one full month since I turned 26, but I want to share some memoirs with you.
2014 really toughened me up. It taught me that not everyone is my friend, even though I know that I want to see and believe the best in people. I want to be proven wrong all the time, but I have had many conflicting situations. It seems the conflicts are in the fact that people put their needs first and foremost. If you do not meet the criteria to fit in their plans, you might find yourself standing on the outside of what you take to be a mutual relationship. This is just generalizing, but I speak in reference to the relationship I had with people this year.
I faced many disappointments with some of the people closest to me. My best friend going on ten years now decided to cut me out of her life. I was a positive driving force in her life, but according to her, our friendship had run its course. Well, I respect that and I wish her well. She helped me immensely, but when I think about it, so did I. And that's okay.
Ever since I started letting go or being let go, I found how free I felt. I've always cared more about honoring others than my own self. Finding the freedom not to get involved in such a direct manner has really helped me get past the things I used to mourn. I feel free, and I feel more my own than I did when I started this winding journey of being 25.
Compassion was a big lesson this year. I learned how to love with compassion, and to trust my intuition when it comes to manifesting that love for others. I found that those that were open to it also opened themselves up, and gave me an experience the likes of one I've never had before. I'm so grateful for that opportunity!
What else? In the past year I went from recently moved into an empty apartment space to making it more homey. I visited Puerto Rico two times, for a month each time. My Mom visited me in LA twice as well, with the duration of hers being two weeks. I got to spend some time with J, although the distance made it almost impossible to spend as much time with him as I would have wanted to. He knows me, he gets me, he understands me much better than anybody else does. I think that these four years of intimate interaction have really helped one another understand our most essential cores. I look forward to meeting him again in December. It's going to be surreal!
With great pride I want to announce that my tarot card collection is complete. This year I got all I had left, and I feel wondrously connected to them. So happy! Unfortunately, I don't have space for all of them, so I will have to sell some of the duplicates or copies that will not get any use. Stay tuned for that! Many out of print and hard to get jewels!
My friendships are still a work in progress. The problem is that I am constantly seeking, and that is something that blossoms naturally. You can't force it and you can't decide when it's going to happen. Oh please, oh please Universe... send me some local friends that are passionate and respectful! I want brainstorming buddies, people to take photos with and then go dancing, drinking or feasting with. Give me zest for life! I'd love to meet some sister souls soon.
I've come to terms with the way time changes things, even if it doesn't help us go in the direction we want to go. This adventure has been the most serious one in my life. Nothing was planned, but I'm in for a Hell of a ride.
[Mom! Nooo! You closed your eyes!]
On the day of my birthday, I went to the Getty Villa. It was like stepping into the ancient Greek and Roman world! Then we went to a place called Moonshade for drinks and french fries. (!!!) After that, we got stuck in traffic for about two hours, then I met my friends at Masa for some really amazing pizza. At the end of the night, I had been showered with so much love that my heart chakra was hyper activated. I felt so intensely, that it made me very fragile. I wept in gratitude for all the love I was given. Thank you for being a part of it!
Let's see what happens this year. I can't wait to come out the other side... If I do.